People make judgements extremely quickly about the kind of person we are.
11 tiny habits that lose you respect:
People make judgements extremely quickly about the kind of person we are.
If I'm speaking with someone, and they nod along enthusiastically to all that I say, and they rarely disagree, I can't help but lose interest.
This doesn't mean you need to be combative and unpleasant.
It dilutes who you are in my eyes.
Many of us talk quickly for many reasons, including being jacked up on coffee and excited about what we're saying.
It's like grabbing a hot cake and throwing it back quickly.
Being attentive to someone in person and actually listening is not a submissive act.
Scrolling your phone while in conversation doesn't make you look cool.
It makes you look like a child.
Demonstrate your interest and be genuinely interested. Presence has a power to it.
This will attract people to you like little else.
Slowing down, being a fraction smoother, and letting go physically is extremely powerful.
It signals comfort in your own skin and calms you down, but more than anything - it alters your own perceived self-identity.
Slowing down your breathing is also part of this.
Your thoughts will slow, your intelligence will come through, and your perceived status will rise.
I've been guilty of this because I can get in my head and over-analyse.
Find ways to enjoy yourself, no matter the context.
Don't be the guy who brings the heaviness and sucks the energy out of a room.
Be light-hearted, and focus on lifting those around you.
Don't be afraid to physically relax into a space.
This applies more to men than women because it's a masculine move.
Knees-together Justin Trudeau is a good example of this.
How you hold yourself physically transmits confidence, and it also reinforces it.
'High-flame' means using courage in your communication.
Speaking what you mean.
This depends on how far into a relationship you are with someone, and different contexts determine the appropriateness of chosen topics.
That's ok, but is 'nice' the legacy you want to leave?
There's no faster way for me to lose my respect for you than if you're cutting into my sentences.
But do it in the middle of my sentence three times, and I'm looking for the waiter for the bill.
• You're not listening to me.
• You rely on leap-frogging my words to be seen, which shouts: 'I am not enough!'
Being overly conscious of how I was coming across and what I was saying was a problem for me growing up.
When speaking with people, I'd continually judge what I'd said in a bid to be liked.
Ironically this puts us at even more of a performance disadvantage, and you will lose people.
It's easy to believe that being non-reactive to the criticisms of others is a weak move.
Surely if someone disrespects us, we need to react - to put them down, to assert our strength?
No.
This approach is rooted in lack, and people sense this instantly.
Instead, smile, tease, make light, and move on.
In other words: being needy.
Humans are very attuned to neediness in other people.
Perhaps we want her to agree to a second date, or we desperately want that client sale.
We get tight. We take things personally when they don't go to plan.
Our performance is hampered. It makes us look like we have few options, which immediately decreases our perceived status.
But if all the above ideas are in our heads, we will not be calm and present.
So, absorb what I've shared, and come back to this often.
I certainly am not, and still get nervous and twitchy.
Allow these ideas to become second nature through practice.
Let it all go.
Be open to your innate wisdom.
You always know what to do next.
Relax in the uncertainty of it all.
This is how you surprise yourself.
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11 tiny habits that lose you respect:
1. Too fast to agree
2. Rush speech
3. Lack of attention
4. Jumpiness
5. Taking stuff seriously
6. Not taking up space
11 tiny habits that lose you respect:
7. Avoiding high-flame topics
8. Talking over someone
9. Self-analysing
10. Reacting to criticism
11. Relying on outcomes.
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