How to instantly stop being depressed.

If you're currently depressed and you're seeing this tweet,

THIS is your lucky day.

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How to befriend any stranger.

Easy method to build respect based friendships with new people.

PS: Don't read if you feel bad about manipulating people.

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Before we start, what you need to know is that there are two types of strangers:

-Those bothered by you

-Those who are willing to talk to you

In both cases, the first seconds of making contact are crucial.

Here is how you should approach both.

First thing you need to realize, is that while you're only practicing your social skills

The person in front has absolutely no interest or reason to listen to you.

This is why it is of paramount importance NOT to talk about yourself.

Make them feel comfortable.

Before we get to what you will say and how.

Let's focus on body language.

To trigger anyone's curiosity, you should convey a confident and reassuring vibe.

Your posture should be showing confidence without intimidating your interlocutor.

How can your body language express positive vibes?

- Straight back
- Wide shoulders
- Pumped chest (dont over do it)
- Genuine smile
- Stay at least a meter away from the person, you want to show interest but you want them to come to you

How to avoid being disrespected.

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Understand this:

Anyone who disrespects you did so because you let them.

The primary issue is that we think people are just evil, it's not the case.

People are driven by self-interest.

If they see opportunities, they seize them.

No matter what it costs YOU.

If you're reading this then you've probably already wondered how you can avoid being disrespected.

The answer is simple, there are 3 things you need to do.

Let me explain.

1- Tolerate less bullshit in the begining:

You see, your first interactions with people define how the rest of the relationship goes

If you tolerate misbehavior right from the start, chances are they're gonna keep doing it again

Don't let people get too comfortable too quickly

People have to deserve the right to fuck around with you.

A bad joke from a friend is not the same as when it comes from an acquaintance

5 Advanced Social Skills You Should Master

A thread

Wherever and whenever you’ll read about social skills you’ll be told some bullshit like Active listening & “set up your boundaries”, but the truth is the interesting part of social skills is the more complex & aggressive skills that most are too cowardly to talk about.

- Confrontation

If you’re too afraid to go to confrontation: nothing you have learned about social skills will be useful to you.

The most important thing is not the confrontation itself, but your willingness to go to confrontation.

The reason is that most lack the balls & courage to go to confrontation and will back down as soon as they sense resistance from you.

Of course, this is very nuanced because it is not applicable nor recommendable in all situations.

Many times, you will find yourself tempted to confront someone but the power dynamics will simply not allow it.

This takes us to our next point.

Instead of today's thread, let's have some fun

1 RT = 1 Life Lesson

First one is on the house.

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Those you trust the most are those in the best position for betrayal.

Active listening is a false God.

Most people will waste your mental space.

If you want to say "no", dont use any other word.

Seeking approval is the first step to auto destruction

How to force someone to do what you want

A manipulation thread

Disclaimer:

Keep your bullshit & virtue signaling for yourself.
We all, at some point or another, need to manipulate people.
You won't always get what you want ethically.
Sometimes you just have to use manipulation techniques.

Let's start.

1- Understand & Identify Leverage:

If you want someone to do what you want them to do, you need to pull the right levers.

For that, you need to identify what can be used against them.

Be it their insecurities or something they want, situations differ.

In most cases, fear is the most powerful leverage.

Fear of negative emotions is one thing that works like a charm.

You have to make them think that not doing what you want will induce negative emotions, most people suffer from a phobia of said negative emotions.

Use it.

If you can manage to induce fear into them, you will get them to do exactly what you want.

I’ve put together my list of top 10 tips for early career researchers and I’m going to share it here as promised. But first a disclaimer...I don’t know everything. This list is based on my experience in academia. I would love for others to add and augment. With that in mind....🧵

1: Decide what you want your LIFE to be. This career could consume you completely if you let it, but it won’t always love you. Focus on the other things in your life that bring you joy and fulfillment and cultivate those just as much as you cultivate your research career.

2: Decide what you want your CAREER to be. What are your values? What are you in this for? There will be hard times. But knowing your values and what success means to you can help guide you through them.

3: Decide whose opinions really matter to you. Mastery requires feedback and you will get a lot of it, some useful some less so. Identify the small circle of people you can really trust to give it to you straight. This includes forming a no committee.

4: People are people are people. Don’t be afraid to email someone about a postdoc or job or grant idea. We’ve all been there. Some people are not generous people. This is good information to have. Move on to other colleagues and mentors if you encounter these people.

I've been doing more study on the constant critic(s) that every church leader deals with. Its amazing how a steady group of 2-5 critics can really tax a leader's health and impact them way beyond their numbers. ie, more than 3 feels like 'legion' to a leader.

1/

All vocations face criticism of course.

I wonder if church criticism is unique because:

a) church leaders tend to conflate personal identity and church health more than most.

b) critics falsely think they know about leading a church because they attend a church.

2/

For example, doctors and teachers face criticism. People come into a Doc with diagnosis from Internet etc. But I wonder if attending and serving in a church makes someone more confident that they know when they really don't know.

3/

I've often marveled, and been hurt by how strongly someone has an opinion about something they've had zero training in. They are oblivious to how broad a church is - they think everyone thinks the same.

4/

One reason they think this is because their phantom mob is usually made up of like minded people. A handful of passionate people agreeing, so they say, 'everyone thinks' but actually it is less than 1% of the church.

5/

Shy people are either overthinking or highly observant of the social setting.

And in many cases it can be both.

'So what do I do?'

You learn the 75/25 law.

'What is that?'

The law of charisma...👇

Let's address the over thinkers first.

Do you have any idea why you overthink?

'Yea. Because others are judging how shy I am.'

Incorrect.

Others are thinking about themselves, not you.

But the fact that you think they are thinking about you, you fuck up the interaction.

Now you stay in your head too much & avoid the present moment.

A major no no in the social world.

Your tendency to think that others are judging you for being shy, coincidentally makes you more shy.

And that's when you start giving off a strange vibration to the social setting.

This is when you begin attracting comments like 'why are you so quiet?'

10 easy steps to improve communication skills

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1) Learn The Basic Of Non-verbal Communications

It's not about what you say, it's how you say it.

For a clear and confident conversation, focus on your posture.

Avoid folding your arms or making your self smaller than you are.

Use your eye contact to break the gap.

2) Respect Your Audience

As a speaker, you should respect your audience.

They are here for you to listen. They want to listen to your ideas, so you must respect them.

Remember the quote “Give respect, Take respect“.

If you fail to give respect, they will not listen to you.

3) Ask for honest feedback

Whenever u have a conversation with anyone ask them about your mistakes, progress you have done in conversation.

This will help you in achieving your goals and by looking after your mistakes, you will learn them and improve it.

4) Maintain Eye Contact

Effective comm. is where the speaker makes eye contact with his audience.

The receiver starts trusting to him and shows interest in his words.

Maintaining eye contact builds credibility, and also it shows you care about your listeners.

Some of you will probably know I'm currently grieving. It's a month since my fantastic sister died. I've been thinking a lot about loss, progress and reckoning and coming to terms, both personally and as a society. And I've been wondering: how will we remember the pandemic dead?

The UK is filled with memorials to the dead of wars, of disasters, of lifeboat crews and atrocities. We are a landscape haunted by attempts to remember the brave and the innocent. Villages, towns, businesses, communities: all grouped together to pay for plaques, statues, gardens

I have a terror that in our desire to get 'back to normal' we will forget those lost and things lost during the current pandemic. There's not an enemy they were overcome by; not a single flashpoint of tragedy. Those lost to the pandemic are an uncomfortable reminder of failure

Rebecca Solnit talks about hope only coming from knowing history. People may be optimistic about the future post-covid-19, but that's just desire and dream. For us to build a hopeful future we need to acknowledge and feel what has been lost; to repair and grow, not just erase

The thing is, I don't know if our communities know how to remember what is lost, not in ways that are meaningful to all of that community. Religion is a great enabler of remembrance, but that's not something everyone has. I'm wondering how we fully inhabit our collective sorrow