gonna get in line for the vaccine because I've heard all these urban legends about tracking microchips

and I think I might be able to root it and install Doom

supposedly bill gates is involved, right?
so it's probably like a miniaturized 386 running ROM-DOS.
the doctor walks in, looks down at my charts, and sighs.
"well, the bad news is that you've got the virus. I'm sorry..."
"and the good news?"
*at doom's gate starts faintly playing from my lungs*
it took them four tries to figure out that I had the virus, because every time they did a nasal sample, the diagnosis machine kept glitching and playing a youtube video

I laugh in the hospital bed while they're like "ma'am sir ma'am sir, please, this is serious: we can't treat you. Our ventilator keeps trying to reboot in to Windows 3.1 and play skifree. we're quarantining you here so you don't spread this DIGITAL VIRUS to other patients"
my last message is an annoyed rant on discord where I complain I can't access the full power of the tracking chip and get it to 3d accelerate my software enough to play crysis
all I can do is unlock the mode that turns everyone into femboy catgirl maids. USELESS, I SAY!
the police access my PC and discord has 900 friend requests, all from people named like awoo_lizard with anime-animal avatars
it's like fermat's last theorem: but for furries.

furry's last theorem ?
in case this seems exceptionally random, even for me: there was a conspiracy meme about masks which was "they want you to keep doing this [picture of mask wearer] because eventually they're going to make you do this [picture of a woman in a burka]"
which naturally got meme'd on really hard and fast with a lot of silly second images, like ravers in gas masks, furries in fursuits, and people wearing maid outfits
and it's long since past the point where you are gonna see more versions of the parody than the real one (especially if you don't hang out on weird-conspiracy-facebook) so yeah. that's what I was referencing.
I just realized it wasn't very clear what the heck I was talking about, and I can't even locate that specific joke image right now to clarify, so it may be WAY more obscure than I thought
here's the gas mask version, at least:
also every time I try to type "gas mask" my fingers type "gask mask"
I suspect the one I'm referencing is actually this meme (the parodies of anti-mask memes) crossbreeding with an unrelated meme, which is basically just "I don't care what gender you are: put on the maid outfit".
the first line is often removed. and it's just become "PUT ON THE MAID OUTFIT" with threats of violence.
anyway it's weird that two of the conspiracy theories about the virus are "the government is making us wear masks! (for reasons other than public safety)" and "the government and/or bill gates is gonna track us with the vaccine!"
because you know how we actually DO track people, quite a lot, right now? and this is a known, proven thing, not a conspiracy?

you know what causes a huge problem for facial recognition systems?

but I guess conspiracies don't really have to make sense, especially when combined with other conspiracies.

Try to build a grand unified set up moon landing and/or JFK conspiracies sometime, for example.
my favorite versions of both are, by the way, the SCP "we landed on the moon, successfully, and then ended up faking it later" and the Red Dwarf "JFK was killed by the gunman on the grassy knoll... who was also JFK" answers.
although I'm looking forward to the theory that unifies the two and explains that JFK was either killed by the moon, or he's not dead: he's on the moon.
ANYWAY before you mock the "tracking microchips in the vaccines!" people too hard, that's basically how the CIA figured out where Osama Bin Laden was.
it's sometimes disturbing how often "crazy conspiracy theories" are basically just "what if the US had slightly better technology and/or was slightly more competent"
my favorite amusing one of those is the urban legend that the spy satellites can read your license plate from space.
and the reply isn't "we're not observing the US" or "the government doesn't want to track cars" or even "that's impossible", it's always "don't be silly: you'd need telescopes with at least twice the resolving power (of declassified systems) to be able to read license plates"
it's a wild conspiracy theory and the counter argument is basically "not yet, they'd need bigger telescopes and algorithms and optics, but all are within reach within the next decade or so"
anyway, bill gates? if you have computers small enough to fit in the bloodstream, hit me up. I want some of those. you can even skip out on the vaccine part, I just want to be full of computers.

my DMs are open
BTW, one thing I've been thinking about with the masks, especially with the whole right-wing-memes about how it's all a conspiracy to later force us to wear SOMETHING ELSE:
Robert Heinlein's The Puppet Masters.
It's a 1951 novel about mind-controlling parasite aliens who invade and start taking over, but they don't go inside people, they're just like a small animal that has to extend a tentacle to your brain and drive your body like a marionette
and they're relatively flat creatures like a manta-ray so they can hide under clothes, so the government decides the only way to stop them is to BAN WEARING CLOTHES IN PUBLIC
so the whole nation switches over to mandatory public nudity for a while, except for some extra-conservative areas in the south, which are revealed to be mainly caused by alien infiltration anyway.
and it's just amusing at the idea that you could force that radical of a shift in what people wear in public, and only have minor outcry.

meanwhile, in the real world, it's just "wear a mask" and BOY HAS THERE BEEN SOME PUSHBACK AGAINST THAT
but I guess maybe you could justify it in the case of The Puppet Masters, since the novel is set in the far future, maybe a lot of social mores have changed by then?

the far off future of 2007
flying cars and everything. one of the protagonists is an FBI agent who grew up on the Venus colony.

we were SO SURE the future was gonna be amazing.
BTW, the novel is often compared to Invasion of the Body Snatchers.
It came out 5 years before the movie, and 3 years before the book, and takes a very different tone.
It's very much less "what if secret infiltration of modern day society with EVIL MIND CONTROLLING PARASITES?" and "what if in the future some aliens show up and start mind controlling people, and it goes public and we have to wage a complex global war against them?"
it's a decent book. I recommend it.
It got made into a movie, too, which I don't recommend.
the movie basically removed all the weirder elements and future setting and open warfare, which basically turned it into a bad adaptation of Invasion of the Body Snatchers.
which seems kinda pointless since we already had two adaptations of Invasion of the Body Snatchers already, the 1956 version and the 1978 version.
The movie was in 1994, which puts it between the 1978 adaptation and the 2007 adaptation, "The Invasion".
and @DoomishFox found an example of the meme I was talking about, more or less. I could swear there was a maid version too.
ok @minirop found two examples of the maid versions, so I definitely didn't make this up:

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Israel and the U.S. voted 'No'

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Australia, Canada, Israel, Marshall Islands, Micronesia, and the U.S. voted 'No' https://t.co/1Ntpi7Vqab

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Canada, Israel, Marshall Islands, Micronesia, and the U.S. voted 'No'

The resolution titled "Applicability of the Geneva Convention... to the
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A common misunderstanding about Agile and “Big Design Up Front”:

There’s nothing in the Agile Manifesto or Principles that states you should never have any idea what you’re trying to build.

You’re allowed to think about a desired outcome from the beginning.

It’s not Big Design Up Front if you do in-depth research to understand the user’s problem.

It’s not BDUF if you spend detailed time learning who needs this thing and why they need it.

It’s not BDUF if you help every team member know what success looks like.

Agile is about reducing risk.

It’s not Agile if you increase risk by starting your sprints with complete ignorance.

It’s not Agile if you don’t research.

Don’t make the mistake of shutting down critical understanding by labeling it Bg Design Up Front.

It would be a mistake to assume this research should only be done by designers and researchers.

Product management and developers also need to be out with the team, conducting the research.

Shared Understanding is the key objective

Big Design Up Front is a thing to avoid.

Defining all the functionality before coding is BDUF.

Drawing every screen and every pixel is BDUF.

Promising functionality (or delivery dates) to customers before development starts is BDUF.

These things shouldn’t happen in Agile.