So I bought two accounts on your service--one for personal use, and one for business use. Please react, large companies!

Microsoft: WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING OH MY GOD PLEASE KILL ME AND END MY TORMENT
Slack: You're my favorite two daily active users.
Google: Fuck your business account, why would you pay us? What is wrong with you?
LinkedIn: Has either account tried premium?
GitHub: Two accounts? Sure. Okay. Okay. Sure. Your green squares graph is gonna suck.
Amazon: there are disturbing and weird crossovers between them, like your MFA—but nevermind that. Every time you spin up a new AWS account you're New To Us and must be onboarded.
Apple: WTF is a business?!
Twitter: Your account is temporarily restricted.
Dropbox: Would either account be interested in some nonsense that has nothing to do with "a folder, synced everywhere?"
MongoDB: We lost both of your accounts. Oops.
Netflix: Between those two accounts, you currently have 40 profiles spread across all 6 continents we serve. This is... fine.
Oracle: We have no idea what a personal user account might be, but we're going to audit you just the same.
WebEx: Can we take you out to dinner? You're 40% of this quarter's net new sales.
OnlyFans: I'm sorry--did you say a business account? And you're not a sex worker? Can you please explain this to one of our product managers, because we're highly confused.
The IRS: We're going to audit the piss out of you just as soon as we can find an auditor who takes one look at this thread and doesn't quit on the spot.

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