Now many readers have asked me over the years "how do I (with my great hair) go about fleeing a gothic house?"

That's a very good question, because it's not as easy as it seems...

There are of course many gothic domiciles that women with great hair can flee from:
- a house
- a mansion
- a castle
- a chateau
More adventurous gothic heroines can also choose to flee:
- a manor
- a keep
- a graveyard
- some dark foggy towers
As gothic houses come in all shapes and sizes you may come across the following things which require fleeing:
- Strangers (call a taxi)
- Tombs (walk to the nearest exit)
- Hell (fleeing recommended)
- Darkest Death (head start required)
There are some items that are a clear giveaway that you are in, or near, a gothic house that requires fleeing. Look around you and see if you can spot:
- sarcophagi
- crucibles (unless in a chemistry lab)
- anemones
- any form of ides
Given the above you may want to work up gradually to fleeing a gothic house. Try fleeing the following first to build up your skills:
- clouds
- plants
- insects
- unexpected wine stains
If gothic houses aren't your thing you can always flee (with great hair) a range of animals instead:
- crows
- cats
- an elephant
- 400 rabbits
Gothic house fleeing is a worldwide hobby so feel free to run away from any abodes you find in the following locations:
- München
- Venetzia
- Hawai'i
- Canada
Despite what you may think it doesn't matter what you wear to flee a gothic house; what matters is how you wear it:
- is your hair wind-blown enough?
- is your dress billowing correctly?
- do you look sufficiently haunted?
- did you leave one light on before you fled?
Finally please remember the following before you flee your gothic house:
- dress lightly
- avoid disturbing the neighbours
- don't stop to chat
- remember to write and say 'thank you' to the host afterwards
Congratulations! You're now ready to flee your first gothic house. Don't forget to play some Kate Bush first to get you in the mood!

More pulp advice another time...

More from Pulp Librarian

More from Culture

. THREAD 1/x

David Baddiel is getting lots of coverage and feedback on his book which again focuses on so called 'left wing' antisemitism.

I will start by saying that I have seen antisemitic comments made by Labour members and some genuine cases.

However, I have huge concerns.


2/x

Let's look in detail at this article written in April 2019 in the @Guardian - and I will explain the concerns.

The areas highlighted guide you to believe this was all Labour - IT WASN'T.

It also occurred before 2015! Detail follows...

https://t.co/cK59FP83aG


3/x

So as you see the writer of this rather deceitful piece starts with

"THAT CHANGED IN SEPTEMBER 2015" 🙄

This was done to point the timeframe as Corbyn's leadership. Yet the article goes on to describe things that are not even related to Labour, which occurred in 2014.


4/x

So... What in fact the @Guardian writer is discussing here is this case - where a group of Neo-Nazi's spent months inflicting abuse on Jewish MP Luciana Berger

All the detail is in the Court Notes when Bonehill-Paine was sentenced by the judge.

https://t.co/wAyo6Yro5Q


5/x

The Justice sentencing remarks to Neo-Nazi explain the previous cases too. See the date 2014.

Yet the Guardian writer refers to this NON LABOUR case to effectively make her article a lie.

"Star of David" - this was Garron Helm another neo-Nazi..

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Хајде да направимо мали осврт на случај Мика Алексић .

Алексић је жртва енглеске освете преко Оливере Иванчић .
Мика је одбио да снима филм о блаћењу Срба и мењању историје Срба , иза целокупног пројекта стоји дипломатски кор Британаца у Београду и Оливера Иванчић


Оливера Илинчић је иначе мајка једне од његових ученица .
Која је претила да ће се осветити .

Мика се налази у притвору због наводних оптужби глумице Милене Радуловић да ју је наводно силовао човек од 70 година , са три бајпаса и извађеном простатом пре пет година

Иста персона је и обезбедила финансије за филм преко Беча а филм је требао да се бави животом Десанке Максимовић .
А сетите се и ко је иницирао да се Десанка Максимовић избаци из уџбеника и школства у Србији .

И тако уместо романсиране верзије Десанке Максимовић утицај Британаца

У Србији стави на пиједестал и да се Британци у Србији позитивно афирмишу како би се на тај начин усмерила будућност али и мењао ток историје .
Зато Мика са гнушањем и поносно одбија да снима такав филм тада и почиње хајка и претње која потиче из британских дипломатских кругова

Најгоре од свега што је то Мика Алексић изговорио у присуству високих дипломатских представника , а одговор је био да се све неће на томе завршити и да ће га то скупо коштати .
Нашта им је Мика рекао да је он свој живот проживео и да могу да му раде шта хоће и силно их извређао