Now many readers have asked me over the years "how do I (with my great hair) go about fleeing a gothic house?"

That's a very good question, because it's not as easy as it seems...

There are of course many gothic domiciles that women with great hair can flee from:
- a house
- a mansion
- a castle
- a chateau
More adventurous gothic heroines can also choose to flee:
- a manor
- a keep
- a graveyard
- some dark foggy towers
As gothic houses come in all shapes and sizes you may come across the following things which require fleeing:
- Strangers (call a taxi)
- Tombs (walk to the nearest exit)
- Hell (fleeing recommended)
- Darkest Death (head start required)
There are some items that are a clear giveaway that you are in, or near, a gothic house that requires fleeing. Look around you and see if you can spot:
- sarcophagi
- crucibles (unless in a chemistry lab)
- anemones
- any form of ides
Given the above you may want to work up gradually to fleeing a gothic house. Try fleeing the following first to build up your skills:
- clouds
- plants
- insects
- unexpected wine stains
If gothic houses aren't your thing you can always flee (with great hair) a range of animals instead:
- crows
- cats
- an elephant
- 400 rabbits
Gothic house fleeing is a worldwide hobby so feel free to run away from any abodes you find in the following locations:
- München
- Venetzia
- Hawai'i
- Canada
Despite what you may think it doesn't matter what you wear to flee a gothic house; what matters is how you wear it:
- is your hair wind-blown enough?
- is your dress billowing correctly?
- do you look sufficiently haunted?
- did you leave one light on before you fled?
Finally please remember the following before you flee your gothic house:
- dress lightly
- avoid disturbing the neighbours
- don't stop to chat
- remember to write and say 'thank you' to the host afterwards
Congratulations! You're now ready to flee your first gothic house. Don't forget to play some Kate Bush first to get you in the mood!

More pulp advice another time...

More from Pulp Librarian

More from Culture

मुंबईतील प्रसिद्ध किताबखाना ला लागलेली आग आपल्या सर्वांच्या मनाला चटका लावणारी होती. त्या आगीत सुमारे 95 लाख किमतीच्या 45,000 पुस्तकांचं नुकसान झालं. एकूण नुकसान दोन कोटींच्या घरात गेलं. तरीही किताबखाना पुन्हा सुरू करण्याचं स्वप्न आहे समीर आणि अमृता सोमैया यांचं.
#Thread

त्यांनीच दहा वर्षांपूर्वी मुंबईत ही सुंदर स्पेस तयार केली.त्यांच्या जगप्रवासात विविध पुस्तकांनी त्यांना वेड लावलं.अशी एक कम्युनिटी स्पेस मुंबईतही करायची,या ध्येयाने त्यांनी किताबखानाची निर्मिती केली.अमृताचे वडील प्रसिद्ध आर्किटेक्ट जगदीश मिस्त्री यांनी किताबखाना डिझाईन केला होता.

लाईव इवेंट्स, पुस्तक वाचन, काला घोडा फेस्ट्वलचे कार्यक्रम, उत्तमोत्तम पुस्तकं, लहान मुलांसाठीचा पुस्तकांचा स्वतंत्र विभाग ही किताबखानाची सर्व खासियत कायम राहणार आहे.
सध्या तिथे रिस्टोरेशनचं काम सुरू आहे. समीर आणि अमृता यांची मी घेतलेली मुलाखत आणि बातमी शेअर करत आहे.

दोन मार्चला किताबखाना वाचकांसाठी पुन्हा सुरू करायचा समीर आणि अमृता सोमैया यांचा प्रयत्न आहे. किताबखाना कॅफे आता इनहाऊस चालवला जाईल. @JairajSinghR @KitabKhanaBooks @UpadhyayaP12

Mumbai's iconic @KitabKhanaBooks is getting ready to reopen after gutted in fire and hit by the #Lockdown
My story via @timesofindia
Read what Samir and Amrita Somaiya have to say, who created this beautiful community space in #SoBo #Mumbai #Bookstore

You May Also Like

So the cryptocurrency industry has basically two products, one which is relatively benign and doesn't have product market fit, and one which is malignant and does. The industry has a weird superposition of understanding this fact and (strategically?) not understanding it.


The benign product is sovereign programmable money, which is historically a niche interest of folks with a relatively clustered set of beliefs about the state, the literary merit of Snow Crash, and the utility of gold to the modern economy.

This product has narrow appeal and, accordingly, is worth about as much as everything else on a 486 sitting in someone's basement is worth.

The other product is investment scams, which have approximately the best product market fit of anything produced by humans. In no age, in no country, in no city, at no level of sophistication do people consistently say "Actually I would prefer not to get money for nothing."

This product needs the exchanges like they need oxygen, because the value of it is directly tied to having payment rails to move real currency into the ecosystem and some jurisdictional and regulatory legerdemain to stay one step ahead of the banhammer.