when I was a teenager, the dominant criticism my closest friends had of me was that I was too arrogant, and they were right. I was too caustic, abrasive, eager to nitpick, quick to criticize, and I was way too certain of myself. I spent my entire 20s trying to correct for this
I tried to think of myself as a garden that needed tending. I made substantial progress with that
I tried not to think of myself at all, and I transcended progress itself
I experimented with scheduling and calendaring my life, and I experimented with throwing everything to the wind
I questioned everything several times over, and I questioned nothing
I know how it looks, I know how it sounds
but my priority is to live and speak honestly
it's not that I don't get things wrong
I do
but I am like a musician who's skilled at improvising – I recover from my mistakes gracefully, I work them into my playing
what troubles some people is that I am insufficiently self-deprecating
and I talk about it openly because when I was a kid I wished someone would tell me this stuff, and nobody did, not quite
2. you are too confident → this conflates bluster and bravado (bad) with the casual, sleepy ease of having deep knowledge
https://t.co/L3uYqiJzFA
people often think of confidence as bluster and bravado, loud and obnoxious. that\u2019s often actually insecurity
— visa is damp and cold \U0001f327 (@visakanv) November 18, 2020
the good stuff is often really quiet and natural: the casual, almost sleepy ease that comes from knowing your stuff really well pic.twitter.com/SJxfUquwaL
twice
having done it before, I know I can do it again
the result is a kind of fearlessness that attracts some people and repels others
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
but this is dishonest of me, and I want to live an honest life
https://t.co/5H9H62Afwl
at this point my reply game is so powerful I truly feel like an overpowered RPG character walking around regular people, trying not to accidentally hurt anyone
— visa is damp and cold \U0001f327 (@visakanv) September 12, 2020
1. that I was going to marry my first girlfriend (I did)
2. that I was going to build an international audience (I did)
4. that university professors would want to hang out with me, an autodidact (they do)
5. that I was going to be hired for somebody who respected my idiosyncrasies, without a resume (I was)
7. that my band would play at the esplanade powerhouse stage, despite not being great musicians (we did)
8. that I would be the #1 search result for my first name (pretty much?)
I could go on.
Looking back, I think the right frame is: they witnessed me disregard their internalized shared limiting beliefs, and saw this as a status violation on my part
I'm sad that I allowed them being wrong about me to let me be wrong about myself
I definitely allowed their thinking to contaminate mine
hanging out with unambitious people definitely dimmed my own ambition
never again
the worst thing here is the *pretense* of ambition.
https://t.co/JFXNGWhMez
an additional confounding factor:
— visa is damp and cold \U0001f327 (@visakanv) July 23, 2019
not only do most people not have any real creative vision or ambition...
many people entertain themselves by PRETENDING that they do
most people want their lives to be sitcoms that pretend to be adventureshttps://t.co/vEsESFYja4
but now I realize the only thing that matters is finding True Artists and supporting and challenging them, and the bottleneck there is my own thinking, my own behavior
— visa is damp and cold \U0001f327 (@visakanv) July 23, 2019
a summary:
2007: fuck everyone
2013: fuck you guys
2015: fuck Visa
2019: there is no fuck
\U0001f602
https://t.co/NMS7nWz07e
A long term tension in my life: I don't feel qualified to lead, but I don't see anybody really worth following, either. When, where and how did I inherit these annoyingly perfectionist standards and ideals?
— visa is damp and cold \U0001f327 (@visakanv) April 4, 2018
I would honestly kinda prefer it if there were someone else I trusted to take the lead... but nobody sees things quite the way I do.
https://t.co/mKj6ygOWVq
dang....you're a deep deep mofo monster man (in a good way!). How do you develop that kind of killer (or shd I say winner) attitude. So focussed on self-development yet not crossing over into selfish or cocky territory. I need a few sprinkles of this thread to rub off on me.
— Suhail (@tweepul) January 6, 2021
More from visa is damp and cold 🌧
There is an art to replying and commenting, and probably like 60-70% of people I’ve seen on the internet fail at it. The important thing is not to speak your mind, but to “support” the OP. You can support them by disagreeing well & you can “mis-support” them by agreeing stupidly
Every “utterance” (status, tweet, whatever) is a bit of an invitation, a bit of a proposal. “Let’s play this game”. When strangers read the proposal accurately, and support the game, a shared understanding develops. You can make friends this way.
Some people deliberately choose to ignore, misread, disregard or denounce other people’s bids. Others are outright clueless and don’t know how to play, and sometimes cluelessness leads to worse bungling than deliberate malice (JJ’s razor)
I was a lot more belligerent and disagreeable when I was younger, in part because I simplistically thought playing other people’s games was a sheep-like way to live. Why should I support other people’s dumb games? Why not mock them instead? It’s easy, and intoxicating
I learned that you rarely build anything worthwhile that way. The “best” case scenario: you win over other disagreeable people. A few years of this & it becomes the world you live in – surrounded by other belligerent assholes who don’t know or care how to play nice. A cursed life
Every “utterance” (status, tweet, whatever) is a bit of an invitation, a bit of a proposal. “Let’s play this game”. When strangers read the proposal accurately, and support the game, a shared understanding develops. You can make friends this way.
Some people deliberately choose to ignore, misread, disregard or denounce other people’s bids. Others are outright clueless and don’t know how to play, and sometimes cluelessness leads to worse bungling than deliberate malice (JJ’s razor)
"The intentionality of an agent with behavior sufficiently indistinguishable from malice, is irrelevant." (JJ's razor > Hanlon's \U0001f609.) @cr1901
— JJ \u300cc\u03b9t\u03b9\u01b6\u03b5\u0273\u0192\u03b9v\u03b5\u300d \U0001f3f4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f (@CTZN5) June 6, 2016
I was a lot more belligerent and disagreeable when I was younger, in part because I simplistically thought playing other people’s games was a sheep-like way to live. Why should I support other people’s dumb games? Why not mock them instead? It’s easy, and intoxicating
I learned that you rarely build anything worthwhile that way. The “best” case scenario: you win over other disagreeable people. A few years of this & it becomes the world you live in – surrounded by other belligerent assholes who don’t know or care how to play nice. A cursed life
Several conversations with several friends - and also the story of my entire life - is getting me to crystalize some thoughts
The most valuable thing I know is how to make friends
The most powerful + valuable thing I can do is teach it to other people
The most important person you have to be friends with is yourself
Possibly the most important thing in a friendship- including one with yourself, or your spouse, or your child - is attention. Deep, focused, undivided, non-judgemental attention.
To really see + hear the other person, in a world where people constantly feel unseen & unheard
So: the most important thing about the most important thing in life is attention,
and in schools, IMO, we often screw up how we teach it.
If you use threats and coercion to force kids to “pay” attention...
...you set people up for dysfunctional relationships their whole life
becoming friends with yourself:
The most valuable thing I know is how to make friends
The most powerful + valuable thing I can do is teach it to other people
The most important person you have to be friends with is yourself
Possibly the most important thing in a friendship- including one with yourself, or your spouse, or your child - is attention. Deep, focused, undivided, non-judgemental attention.
To really see + hear the other person, in a world where people constantly feel unseen & unheard
So: the most important thing about the most important thing in life is attention,
and in schools, IMO, we often screw up how we teach it.
If you use threats and coercion to force kids to “pay” attention...
...you set people up for dysfunctional relationships their whole life
becoming friends with yourself:
Much of self-improvement, personal development, introspection, etc can quite simply be reframed as the art of socialising with yourself. Listen to yourself, pay close attention to yourself, don\u2019t interrupt yourself, be kind and supportive to yourself, be constructive in criticism
— Visa\u2019s Vexing Vacillations (@visakanv) March 27, 2019
motivating myself by reminding myself that I created my youtube account in 2005 so I can extend the graph all the way back and make it look really exciting
the less exciting but more useful graph
now I am going to make a plan for my next 200 youtube videos and then ignore them entirely. but first I have to reply to an email...
well that was quite a detour. now, to google sheets...
gettin' started
feel free to comment
https://t.co/DUpcQwA8kC
the less exciting but more useful graph
now I am going to make a plan for my next 200 youtube videos and then ignore them entirely. but first I have to reply to an email...
well that was quite a detour. now, to google sheets...
ok just sent that email I been procrastinating on pic.twitter.com/ytTAFPKwti
— visa is decluttering old drafts (@visakanv) January 30, 2021
gettin' started
feel free to comment
https://t.co/DUpcQwA8kC
More from Society
Like most movements, I have learned that the definition of feminism has expanded to include simply treating women like human beings.
(A thread for whoever feels like reading)
I have observed feminists on Twitter advocating for rape victims to be heard, rapists to be held accountable, for people to address the misogyny that is deeply rooted in our culture, and for women to be treated with respect.
To me, very easy things to get behind.
And the amount of pushback they receive for those very basic requests is appalling. I see men trip over themselves to defend rape and rapists and misogyny every chance they get. Some accounts are completely dedicated to harassing women on this site. It’s unhealthy.
Furthermore, I have observed how dedicated these misogynists are by how they treat other men that do not immediately side with them. There is an entire lexicon they have created for men who do not openly treat women with disrespect.
Ex: simp, cuck, white knight, beta
All examples of terms they use to demean a man who respects women.
To paraphrase what a wise man on this app said:
Some men hate women so much, they hate men who don’t hate women
(A thread for whoever feels like reading)
Neighborhood gents, what\u2019s something you\u2019ve learned about feminism (or gained a better understanding of) that you think other men should know?
— feminist next door (@emrazz) February 19, 2021
Note - the quoted is a friendly/good faith replier. https://t.co/048kuxxX6q
I have observed feminists on Twitter advocating for rape victims to be heard, rapists to be held accountable, for people to address the misogyny that is deeply rooted in our culture, and for women to be treated with respect.
To me, very easy things to get behind.
And the amount of pushback they receive for those very basic requests is appalling. I see men trip over themselves to defend rape and rapists and misogyny every chance they get. Some accounts are completely dedicated to harassing women on this site. It’s unhealthy.
Furthermore, I have observed how dedicated these misogynists are by how they treat other men that do not immediately side with them. There is an entire lexicon they have created for men who do not openly treat women with disrespect.
Ex: simp, cuck, white knight, beta
All examples of terms they use to demean a man who respects women.
To paraphrase what a wise man on this app said:
Some men hate women so much, they hate men who don’t hate women
