Things that are frustrating to here as an autistic person

A thread

The classic

”You don't look autistic.”

Cool, I wouldn't have guessed you were neurotypical from your appearance, but here we are
“But you’re so normal”

Yes that’s because I mask to make you feel comfortable.

Like do you want me to stop making eye contact or would that be too much for you?
“Everybody is a bit autistic”

Ummm.....just no.

You’re either autistic or not
It undermines the struggles autistic people face in our society.

It’s also just dismissive.
“I’m so sorry”

About what? Not being like you?

There is nothing to be sorry about. It also stigmatising as it implies autism is a ‘bad thing’

To me it’s not
“You don’t sound autistic”

Yeah we don’t all have the same voice.
“My ‘interest distant relative who I see once every 3 years’ is autistic.

“Okay, why are you telling me?”

“Because you’re nothing like him”
I’m a 25-year-old woman; chances are I won’t have that much in common with your 2nd cousins’ 3rd child who is 5, male and also autistic.

Like you wouldn’t make a similar comparison between neurotypicals, so why do you feel the need to in this situation?
Just this look in general when I first mention my autism
Also, if it comes up in the conversation again, it's annoying to beat around the bush and not say the A word.

I.E. Saying things like ”special ability” and ”differently-abled” need to be abolished from your vocabulary

I’d prefer autism and it’s easier for both of us
”You’re life must be so difficult”

Yes, but are you going to stand up for me if I experience ableism it not?

That would help make it easier
”I bet you can calculate complicated sums in your head at the top of a hat.”

Hmmm, it takes me a reasonable amount of effort to calculate 7x8 in my head without paper/calculator.

Also, I got a C in maths GCSE, so I'm fairly average at maths.
”You’re so high functioning, though.”

This translate as

” Your autism is so mild; it doesn't really impact you enough for me to care.”
Same goes for describing me as ’mildly autistic’ or ’a little autistic.’

I don't experience autism mildly. Also, you can't see what's going on inside my head so...🤷🏻‍♀️
Also while you're here, If you enjoy my writing or would like to support my online advocacy work I would be forever grateful if you could buy me a coffee (or tea in my case).

https://t.co/S6Vc1F2yi3

More from Life

“We don’t negotiate salaries” is a negotiation tactic.

Always. No, your company is not an exception.

A tactic I don’t appreciate at all because of how unfairly it penalizes low-leverage, junior employees, and those loyal enough not to question it, but that’s negotiation for you after all. Weaponized information asymmetry.

Listen to Aditya


And by the way, you should never be worried that an offer would be withdrawn if you politely negotiate.

I have seen this happen *extremely* rarely, mostly to women, and anyway is a giant red flag. It suggests you probably didn’t want to work there.

You wish there was no negotiating so it would all be more fair? I feel you, but it’s not happening.

Instead, negotiate hard, use your privilege, and then go and share numbers with your underrepresented and underpaid colleagues. […]
"I lied about my basic beliefs in order to keep a prestigious job. Now that it will be zero-cost to me, I have a few things to say."


We know that elite institutions like the one Flier was in (partial) charge of rely on irrelevant status markers like private school education, whiteness, legacy, and ability to charm an old white guy at an interview.

Harvard's discriminatory policies are becoming increasingly well known, across the political spectrum (see, e.g., the recent lawsuit on discrimination against East Asian applications.)

It's refreshing to hear a senior administrator admits to personally opposing policies that attempt to remedy these basic flaws. These are flaws that harm his institution's ability to do cutting-edge research and to serve the public.

Harvard is being eclipsed by institutions that have different ideas about how to run a 21st Century institution. Stanford, for one; the UC system; the "public Ivys".

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