BC LIFE
Saved by @zmbnski

1/ Here’s a list of conversational frameworks I’ve picked up that have been helpful.

Please add your own.

 2/ The Magic Question: "What would need to be true for you to...X?"

https://t.co/JxjjUTV0is
3/ On evaluating where someone’s head is at regarding a topic they are being wishy-washy about or delaying.

“Gun to the head—what would you decide now?”

“Fast forward 6 months after your sabbatical--how would you decide: what criteria is most important to you?”
4/ Other Q’s re: decisions:

“Putting aside a list of pros/cons, what’s the *one* reason you’re doing this?” “Why is that the most important reason?”

“What’s end-game here?”

“What does success look like in a world where you pick that path?”
5/ When listening, after empathizing, and wanting to help them make their own decisions without imposing your world view:

“What would the best version of yourself do”?
6/ When someone asks you a personal or vulnerable question and you don’t yet have an answer, although you want to answer soon:

“The Quakers have this idea where you don’t speak unless the spirit moves you. I'm waiting for the spirit to move me.”

h/t a friend
7/ When someone confronts you w/ a problem they have with you

A/ Thanks for sharing because I value this relationship + want both of us to get needs met
B/ What I heard was X (summary)-- was that accurate?
C/ How can I contribute to meeting your needs?
8/ When really angry:

“….” Don't’ say anything!

Take a lap. Or cold shower. Workout. Change your mind state before re-entering the conversation
9/ When really angry during the heat of the moment:

“....” Still don’t say anything!

Ask for a pause: “Do you mind if we take a quick break and return tonight? I want to make sure I can fully listen to your story + appreciate where you are coming from.”

That last part is key.
10/ When giving unsolicited feedback

“…” Probably best not to.

Unless you ask the caveat: "Are you interested in hearing feedback?"
11/ When confronting somebody:

Instead of “Why did you do that?”

Maybe: “What was going on for you?”
12/ Discovering ambition:

“If you had a billion dollars what would you do with

a) the money
b) your time”?

This shows where they want to change society and what they truly want to be doing.
13/ "What was your past manager (or friend) like?"

This determines how they'll talk about you in the future--whether they'll view you in a charitable light or not.
14/ When rambling with nowhere to go:

“I’m going to pause right there for reactions”

https://t.co/g2en4UnweD
15/ in group meetings when two people are talking about something unrelated:

“Let’s take this offline”.
16/ When assessing VC/founder alignment in an VC pitch:

“Why not bootstrap it so you can control your own destiny and have more optionality over selling for 50m, 100m?”

Also just a good question for every founder to ask themselves.
17/ Note: conversational frameworks are effective when coming from a genuine place of wanting mutual benefit--seeking win-win.

https://t.co/YfOt4FzoPt
18/ When someone asks a somewhat vague Q:

"What's the question behind the question?"

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I had become dissatisfied with my career at that point. Having started my career in Ibadan and having lived there all my life, I felt there was more. I remember how I felt there was a void within. Outwardly, things looked okay but inwardly, I was a mess.

I knew that if I wasn’t careful, I would just settle into a comfortable zone and that may just be the end of my career. Everyone loved Ibadan- the cost of living was low and I had almost everything, at least compared to those within my immediate space.

One of the greatest mistakes you can make is to benchmark your life by those within your immediate space or circle of influence. You will think you’re making progress until you get out and see others who will challenge you. And that was what I decided to do.

I saw a vacancy for a role in Lagos and I applied. Up till then, I had never worked in Lagos- save for a few trainings, attachments and banking school.

When I got the role, it was a major stretch for me. I didn’t have a place to stay so I had to ‘squat’ with a friend for 6 months until I could pull resources together to get a studio apartment.
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1: Decide what you want your LIFE to be. This career could consume you completely if you let it, but it won’t always love you. Focus on the other things in your life that bring you joy and fulfillment and cultivate those just as much as you cultivate your research career.

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A classmate of mine was weak in studies. Would sometimes fail in all subjects. Had a tough childhood. From Std V onwards, he and his elder brother would sell ice water on cart (oldies will remember those steel carts) infront of a cinema hall for 25p per glass.

While asking for money, he would sometimes even get slapped by people barking "saale paani ke paise maangega". His elder brother, a sweet and shy boy, still in school, was killed in a rivalry by a local goon to "teach a lesson" to his father.

After the killing, the frightened family moved to Delhi. My friend couldn't pass XII std.His father who had always been mean and harsh with children continued to be so. One day he asked friend's mother to pack him a lunch and ordered his son not to return home till he found a job

For 4 days the boy returned without finding a job. Every night he would be thrashed. Fifth day the boy didnt return. He had taken refuge at Mama's place who was kind to him. But Maami extracted her pound of flesh. He did all the household chores and was last to be served meals.
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I found myself unable to discuss or see people in a negative light
It was a strange place to be
A whole new realm that isolated me in some way
When I am among people and the topic goes in the direction of Mr. So and So did this evil thing to me or Mrs. Such and such said the

following things about me
I find my skin crawling and my defences up
I don't do this naturally, it just is.
When I am with my team and we're discussing stuff, I dodge all the unnecessary stuff
I don't want to know who is doing that bad thing or who is not performing up to par

I find it nauseating to say the least
Talking ill of people even when it ought to be discussed
A brother caught covid from his girlfriend
They were not married and ought not to be together that way
Someone pointed my attention to it and I felt somehow
Like the person wanted to

force-feed me poison
The person meant well and I should know what is going on but I really couldn't bear the heaviness of such talks
I understand that it is normal for people to share such talks and bond over it
I once worked as a personal assistant to a pastor who will pick a

person and talk about the person with his wife all the way from Lagos to Ibadan and will still chew the person like a bone all the way from Ibadan back to Lagos
He will keep digging out faults and misdeeds like a dog unearthing buried bones
It was a crazy habit I could barely
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