Tomorrow is gonna be fun for anyone in charge of requisitions.

There's gonna be a bunch of SRE teams asking for lockpicks, crowbars, hydraulic rescue tools, chainsaws, and some breaching shotguns

new SRE exercise:
imagine all the digital locks have broken and are keeping you out, and you can't connect in via the network.

how long until you get a console on the main servers?
now figure out how much money you'd lose being down for that long. Multiply out hours-of-downtime by money-per-hour.
There's your budget for designing Creative Solutions to bypass all your security
Although before you go trying to kick down doors:
Remember that doors are secured between the uprights and aren't as easy to smash open as movies might lead you to believe.
But the wall next to the door is probably just drywall and a little insulation.
drywall is also pretty cheap to repair.
I should ask the lockpickinglawyer in a week or two if they saw an uptick in sales after today
but yeah. if you're an SRE, please at least think about the problem.
If you have digital locks, where can you update them from? is it inside the place protected by the locks? How do you fix it if they break?
even if the answer has to be "we'd break down this door and then angle-grinder off that lock", you should at least have made that plan in advance when it's not an emergency.
Document where the crowbar and angle grinder is. What's the phone number for the locksmith?
AND REMEMBER TO MAKE SURE THAT DOCUMENT IS STORED SOMEWHERE YOU'LL DEFINITELY BE ABLE TO GET TO

like, print it out and put it next to the door. Don't put it on your internal wiki, you may not be able to get to that!
I'm happy to do contract work as an SRE advisor. it's pretty simple. I ask you "how do you get to the server" and every time you mention a system, I nod and go "and what if that is down?"

More from foone

Everyone likes to forget this episode just because it's terrible, but we were really sleeping on inherent comedy in a unfreezing an investor 300 years in the future and having them discover we've transitioned to a moneyless post-scarcity utopia.


it's like a classic twilight zone episode.

in fact, it IS a twilight zone episode.
The Rip Van Winkle Caper, Season 2, episode 24.
Four criminals steal a million dollars of gold bars, then put themselves in suspended animation for a hundred years to hide from the law.

they wake up, then start killing each other from mistrust, then the last one dies in the desert, as he offers a gold bar to the driver of a passing car, asking for water and a ride into town

the confused driver walks back to his car with the bar, and his wife asks what the gold bar is.
he says something like "It's gold... they used to use this for money, before we figured out a way to manufacture it."
He tosses it away, and drives off.

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