Big Jason is just sitting in the office kitchen, stirring a cold cup of coffee and staring out the window. He's been like that for 35 minutes.
Sometimes he mutters things like "we're the party of fiscal responsibility" or "who else can we fire"
We're gonna try and help
#ableg

We sent in ol' Miranda, and she tried to tell him that the worst of our scandals is behind us, but he didn't seem to hear her.
We tried to send in ol' Adriana, but she refused, saying that she brings no value by visiting him. No one could disagree!
We sent in Really Big Jason, who told Big Jason that yes there have been a lot of rumours about our incompetence, but that we resolved 0.02% of them. That didn't seem to help.
Ol' Leela went in to try and talk some sense into him but it backfired. Now she's sitting behind him repeating every thing he says and then drawing emojis in the dust on the table.
We tried to send in ol' Tany, but we couldn't find him.
Ol' Grant gave it his best shot, but he came out carrying a chair leg. We said "why did you cut off one of the legs of his chair?!" and ol' Grant just shouted "RED TAPE REDUCTION" and now he's outside painting over the handicapped parking signs. He's great.
We sent in ol' Rick, and we thought we had a winner for a moment! Big Jason lifted his head, and a little smile played over his face, and he look ol' Rick right in the eye and he said "who the f*ck are you?".
Now Rick's gone skating.
We tried to send in Aloha Allard but she swore she'd been in there the whole time.
We tried to push Wee Doug in there, but he refused to go in unless ol' Matt prepared him a bowl of Courage to drink first.
He's been in there for an hour and a half.

We're debating sending in ol' Sonya, but while we want to support Big Jason, we also need him to stay in the province.
We asked Shandy to help, but he said Big Jason was making his own decisions on "crying softly in the kitchen" and then said "Hinshaw told him to do it so it's all her fault" then turned to leave but he turned all the way around so then he was facing the same way again.
Ol' Drew said that he'd set him straight and sauntered in, and ol' Vic's heart leapt but then Drew shouted "DRAAAAAINAGE YOU BOY!! IF YOU HAVE ALT-RIGHT CRONIES AND I HAVE ALT-RIGHT CRONIES, MY PANDERING REACHES ACROSS ALBERTA AND I DRINK YOUR ALT-RIGHT CRONIES! I DRINK THEM UP!"
We sent in some kid I have literally never seen before who said his name was Mickey. He said "I've got that report you asked for and my constituents need some help"
Big Jason just shook his head;
With an attitude like that I'm pretty sure Mickey is an NDP plant.
Ol' Jackie said she's "disappointed, but very happy to have a Premier who has listened to Albertans" and then said "now turn the page".

She's staring at us and miming closing a book, what do we do?

SHE KEEPS DOING IT

More from Business

There are so many #HotTakes on the future of news and tech and digital this week. Now nearly half a year distant (and what a year - 2020, ugh!) from CEO and board @mcclatchy, I'd like to add a few thoughts: 1/


As @jbenton said in @NiemanReports : @mcclatchy transformation shows it STILL is possible NOW 'to be operationally profitable while still doing good journalism.' Not easy; Covid made it harder. But POSSIBLE and DONE by the great team in 2020 @mcclatchy. 2/

As @jbenton wrote: the #DIGITALTRANSFORMATION @mcclatchy 'shows a company that has managed the digital transition better than most; at last public count, it was making nearly half its ad revenue in digital and digital subscriptions were up 45% year-over-year.' Such focus 3/

On the future is digital is the SOLE way the still-powerful brands of local news and information will be able to have a business in the inevitable 'printless' future (Not today, not tomorrow, but printless someday) 4/

And the crisis in local news is relentless, unabating and by most measures WORSENING. More titles going dark; huge losses to our communities, because solely a blend of new digital startups AND existing footprint offer the scale 5/

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I'm going to do two history threads on Ethiopia, one on its ancient history, one on its modern story (1800 to today). 🇪🇹

I'll begin with the ancient history ... and it goes way back. Because modern humans - and before that, the ancestors of humans - almost certainly originated in Ethiopia. 🇪🇹 (sub-thread):


The first likely historical reference to Ethiopia is ancient Egyptian records of trade expeditions to the "Land of Punt" in search of gold, ebony, ivory, incense, and wild animals, starting in c 2500 BC 🇪🇹


Ethiopians themselves believe that the Queen of Sheba, who visited Israel's King Solomon in the Bible (c 950 BC), came from Ethiopia (not Yemen, as others believe). Here she is meeting Solomon in a stain-glassed window in Addis Ababa's Holy Trinity Church. 🇪🇹


References to the Queen of Sheba are everywhere in Ethiopia. The national airline's frequent flier miles are even called "ShebaMiles". 🇪🇹
1. Project 1742 (EcoHealth/DTRA)
Risks of bat-borne zoonotic diseases in Western Asia

Duration: 24/10/2018-23 /10/2019

Funding: $71,500
@dgaytandzhieva
https://t.co/680CdD8uug


2. Bat Virus Database
Access to the database is limited only to those scientists participating in our ‘Bats and Coronaviruses’ project
Our intention is to eventually open up this database to the larger scientific community
https://t.co/mPn7b9HM48


3. EcoHealth Alliance & DTRA Asking for Trouble
One Health research project focused on characterizing bat diversity, bat coronavirus diversity and the risk of bat-borne zoonotic disease emergence in the region.
https://t.co/u6aUeWBGEN


4. Phelps, Olival, Epstein, Karesh - EcoHealth/DTRA


5, Methods and Expected Outcomes
(Unexpected Outcome = New Coronavirus Pandemic)