If your Hogmanay is like the others you've had over the yea…

There are still loads of your traditions you can be gettin on wi.

The mad mental shopping - that's aff. Ye shoulda had what ye needed delivered safely.

The mad mental shopping has always been a thing aboot here.

Much bigger than Christmas shopping they dae doon in England

Booze, steak pie, all the veg, cakes and all the essentials ye need for days

Organising the first fit?

If there is nae dark heided guy in yer hoose... go withoot

Yer no wantin yer first fit te be the man that lands ye in the ICU ur ye?

So forget that tradition
Replace it

Leave a wee drink and something tae eat at yer neighbours' doors

A can and a plate a clootie will dae.

Chap the door and run away.

Wish em a happy New Year fae a distance

And dae it sober so yer no tempted tae any invite they make

Fae I can remember, Hogmanay was a Mawe rampage.

Snappin and girnin as she scrubbed the hoose fae tap tae bottom, re-daen whitever we'd done

Nawe... no good enough, she'd insist. The whole hoose.. had tae be surgically clean

Is yours scrubbed?

I've put ma fit doon this year.

No happenin. Her covid-anxiety will be aff the scales if that scrubbin and polishin starts

The hoose has had a run-o'er. It's tidy. Fuck it

That'll dae, whether she likes it or no

A bit a dust on the top a some cupboard door is better than her getting that anxious she his a friggin stroke or something

She can empty the bins. The mad rush tae empty the bins afore the bells... that'll dae

Where I grew up, everybody had tae have the steak pie dinner on the table, at the stroke a midnight.

The windae's get opened tae let the auld year oot and the new wan in tae the hoose

We'll still dae that

She likes tae hear the ships' fog horns

And the bath afore yer dinner.

Don't forget that. It's no just the hoose that his tae be scrubbed afore the bells. You hiv tae be tae.

Washed, dried, poshed up afore midnight.

She was ey running intae the bath at hauf 11 when I was a wean

She'll be scrubbed, brushed and polished afore 10 this year if it fuckin kills me

It's an anxiety-free Hogmanay cos I've said so

She ey made a clootie anaw.

She had tae make it on Hogmanay cos if she made it the day afore, there'd be none left for Hogmanay

"Get away fae that! Yer a' wee thievin shites I'll KILL yewes!"

No happenin the day

She can replace the Ne'erday hangover wi a day a pokin and prodding at the clootie in the pot if she wants

If your Hogmanay is like the others you've had over the years, then chances are, you are doing it fucking wrong

You need to be home, even if that means being alone.

The virus gives as much of a fuck about Hogmanay as id did about Christmas.

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If your Hogmanay is like the others you've had over the years, then chances are, you are doing it fucking wrongYou need to be home, even if that means being alone.The virus gives as much of a fuck about Hogmanay as id did about Christmas.

More from All

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If your Hogmanay is like the others you've had over the years, then chances are, you are doing it fucking wrong

You need to be home, even if that means being alone.

The virus gives as much of a fuck about Hogmanay as id did about Christmas.