i don't believe i have an obligation to "process" or "resolve" "trauma"

i think as long as you can get away with it, you get to "keep" your trauma. you earned it

my rule is like this: if i fulfil my social obligations and get along with everyone enough, i get to keep the shadows, the anger, the spite, all this nasty stuff i hide in the corner
if i'm a mean asshole and do mean asshole things and hurt people or whatever then maybe you will drug me or lock me up for society's sake, thats fair
but if i work with my fucked up parts enough that they don't manifest in "pathological" or "antisocial" ways i cant control, then i feel like i've justified its existence enough that society doesn't have anything on me anymore
like, legally, so to speak. they cant prosecute me. im free to go, see
i have hurt i've carried around since i was a child and i'll continue carrying that hurt, for its sake. because i still identify with it.

i still believe what i felt was justified the way i did then, and i will continue to fight for its right to exist within me, in that form
yes, i *want* to carry this hurt with me instead of "going to therapy". no, i do not want to "work on myself" or "become a better person"

i get to have this. i wont let you take this away from me. it's mine. it's me
fuck this shit right here. its a trap and i can smell it from here
https://t.co/SuS7VGDeIt

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