If you know me, you know I don't like broadcasting details about my personal life on this website, but I have been getting asked why I'm not doing Christmas this year so I just wanna put this whole mess to bed. First of all, I don't agree with gay marriage... (1 of 4,625)

... full of dog food and she said, "I'm pretending this is ice cream! Treat me like a baby!" and proceeded to hump her own arm and I thought, "something tells me this isn't the real Norah Jones"... (117 of 4,625)
...cost me $7,000. I had to put it on two separate credit cards! It wasn't 'til I got to my car that I realized "that's way too expensive for one onion." But I didn't have time. Amanda Seyfried was begging to change my diaper... (1,001 of 4,625)
...another Christmas miracle. Mistletoe, stockings, sleigh bells, snow! All these things I have put up my ass. The taste of coffee... (2,974 of 4,625)
...I felt a *very* cold finger on my cheek and I turned around and I said, "Grandma?" and she goes, "Surprise, I'm alive and I work at Sears!" I said, "okay"... (3,047 of 4,625)
... I said, "your majesty, I've been tap dancing since before I could walk!" Tony Blair winked at me (he liked when I got riled up like that). "Prove it," she said. And just as I was about to, BOOM! Nine eleven. What happened next was sexual in nature... (3,997 of 4,625)
... and he said, "George W. Bush!" I said, "look, I like you and I respect you, but that's a weird name for a table cloth." We left it at that and we both agreed I should not do Christmas this year. Hope this clears it all up. (4,625 of 4,625)

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