December 14th

Dearest John,
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised.
With dearest love and affection, Agnes

December 15th

Dearest John,
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle doves.... I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.
All my love, Agnes
December 16th

Dear John,
Oh, aren't you the extravagant one! Now I must protest. I don't deserve such generosity. Three French hens. They are just darling but I must insist.... you're just too kind.
Love Agnes
December 17th

Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really! They are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You're being too romantic.
Affectionately, Agnes
December 18th

Dearest John,
What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five golden rings. One for each finger. You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, John, all those squawking birds were beginning to get on my nerves.
All my love, Agnes
December 19th
Dear John
When I opened the door there were 6 geese a-laying on my steps. So you're back to the birds again, huh? The geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket. PLEASE STOP!
Cordially, Agnes
December 20th
John
What's with you and those fucking birds? 7 swans a-swimming. What kind of goddam joke is this? There's bird shit all over the house and they never stop the racket. I'm a nervous wreck and I can't sleep at night. IT'S NOT FUNNY!
Sincerely, Agnes
December 21st
OK Buster
What the hell am I going to do with 8 maids a-milking? It's not enough with all those birds and 8 maids a-milking, but they had to bring their own goddam cows. There's shit all over the lawn and I can't move in my own house. Just lay off me. SMART ASS.
Ag

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