I've talked with people who argue that they should be allowed to have the sort of conversations that might offend people because if someone is offended, they don't have to be part of it. It's a seductive idea, but it won't

Why? Because there's a ratcheting effect. If you could measure rudeness, a chat might start at 1. People who don't care for that level will leave. So now the chat can start moving toward rudeness level 2 with fewer people to object or moderate.
Where is the limit? Well it will trend toward the comfort level of the most committed members. If part of the "value" of a chat is that it's "honest" (read "rude"), people who don't value that will leave. Problem solved? No! The next level will offend another set of people.
This is what make me so uncomfortable about the ignore feature. It gives people the idea that the way to handle rude behavior is to look away. On an individual level, that's not a bad technique. Why put yourself though frustration if you don't need to?

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But for a group, it's a disaster. It just creates a situation where many people feel powerless, unheard and left out. At some point someone speaks up and discovers it wasn't just them. Now everyone is in for a world of hurt and misunderstanding.
In my experience, the people who understand this dynamic the least are the people who love to push the boundaries of behavior. I struggle with communicating to them because they don't see the problem. In fact, they assume the villains are the people who complain.
Feels like yet another example of FAE. Other people are snowflakes who can't handle frank discussion. But watch what happens when the conversation turns to topics that make the formerly "tough" people feel uncomfortable. Changes the dynamics.

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Pretty easy to see this in politically active people on Twitter. Whether or not something is rude depends on who the target is. It's super unhealthy. It's why I'm uncomfortable with Biden calling Trump our worst president even though I agree.

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Whether we like it or not, there's a little Colonel Jessup in us all. Being right doesn't mean we can ignore people who disagree with us. The truth doesn't need people to behave badly for its sake.

More from Society

So, as the #MegaMillions jackpot reaches a record $1.6B and #Powerball reaches $620M, here's my advice about how to spend the money in a way that will truly set you, your children and their kids up for life.

Ready?

Create a private foundation and give it all away. 1/

Let's stipulate first that lottery winners often have a hard time. Being publicly identified makes you a target for "friends" and "family" who want your money, as well as for non-family grifters and con men. 2/

The stress can be damaging, even deadly, and Uncle Sam takes his huge cut. Plus, having a big pool of disposable income can be irresistible to people not accustomed to managing wealth.
https://t.co/fiHsuJyZwz 3/

Meanwhile, the private foundation is as close as we come to Downton Abbey and the landed aristocracy in this country. It's a largely untaxed pot of money that grows significantly over time, and those who control them tend to entrench their own privileges and those of their kin. 4

Here's how it works for a big lotto winner:

1. Win the prize.
2. Announce that you are donating it to the YOUR NAME HERE Family Foundation.
3. Receive massive plaudits in the press. You will be a folk hero for this decision.
4. Appoint only trusted friends/family to board. 5/

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