His wife had died giving birth to his twin girls
He had a thriving pharmaceutical drugs import business and was making a lot of money
She met him by chance
She imported some goods for her online business from China
When the goods arrived
She kept hanging around him
She told herself she was just being a friend
He was somebody she could talk to
He was somebody she could relate to comfortably
She enjoyed being around him
He enjoyed being around her too & he made it obvious
But he told her right from the outset that
His wife had died giving birth to his twin girls
He had a thriving pharmaceutical drugs import business and was making a lot of money
She met him by chance
She imported some goods for her online business from China
When the goods arrived
She reached out to some people for a loan
A friend told her about this guy in their church who definitely had the money and would love to help
She went to the church the following Sunday and asked to see him
She told him what the problem was and he sent her the money she needed instantly
He was rich
He was the kind of person she would like to relate with on more than a transactional basis
He was a friend worth having but they had nothing in common
There was no basis for
She cleared her goods and went to return the loan two weeks later
He thanked her for keeping her word and that was it
She changed her church the following week
She wanted to be around him
Perhaps its the money or the fact that she didn't have such as him in her
She invited him to the formal opening of her shop a month later
She wanted him to see what got the loan for
He was impressed
Later that evening, she sent him a thank you message & asked if he wouldn't mind having lunch with her and some friends sometimes the following week
He obliged again
He got to meet her friends and got to know her better
The day was a public holiday and he was free
Later that same day, they went to the mall together in his car
He said he needed to pick some things and she said she wanted
She just wanted to be with him, stay in his sight and on his mind
When they got to the mall, she asked if she could accompany him to do his shopping as she also wanted to pick some things up
He shrugged and smiled
He shopped while they talked about the movie she
When he was done shopping, she insisted on paying
Then he asked her if he could tag along to see the movie
They bought tickets, got their popcorns and watched the movie while whispering in each other's ears
It turned out to be a wild evening
After the movies, he
She sang and danced and laughed
When it was 9pm, he drove her home
Neither of them wanted the night to end
As she was alighting from his car, she realised he had not eaten anything since the lunch she invited
She told him she had food in her flat
Would he prefer to wait in the car for her to pack some food for him or would he rather come upstairs and take a bite?
He followed her upstairs
Of course, she didn't get to pack the food
It was too much proximity, too much "feel good"
The emotions of the night altered their perception and judgment
As soon as they got to her flat
Humpty-dumpty was smashed on the rug and the chair and ended up in the bedroom
It was the kind of smashing that scattered Humpty-dumpty everywhere
He left early the next morning
She was still sleeping when he left
When she woke up at around 9am, she didn't know what to think
She felt like someone who can't swim but wore a swimsuit with the intention of sitting at the poolside and perhaps dipping her feet in the pool only to find herself
She didn't know if to laugh or cry
She didn't know how he would take things going forward
She knew he was married and she ought to respect that but she didn't think she ought to come that far within the reach of her goal and walk away because
She had no intention of sleeping with him but it had happened
Must the sex colour everything?
She wanted to be his friend because she wanted access to his money
She wanted to be able to ask for support or help when she needed it and get it from him
The sex gives her
The next thing was how to manage her emotional asset with him
She didn't want to sleep with him anymore
It would be pointless as she planned to get into a relationship and get married within the next year
At the same time, she felt the sex had earned her
She just needed to keep him as a sort of insurance for her business until it is stable
That was all she wanted from the outset
Someone with enough free money she could access in a jiffy until her business becomes financially viable
That was all she needed
She waited throughout that day for his call
She felt it was important for him to be the one to call, so that she can tell him what happened was a mistake that shouldn't affect their friendship
She had the words written out and rehearsed but he didn't call throughout that
She waited for his call throughout the second day - Nothing...
She suddenly felt used and angry
His lack of communication didn't only rubbish the memory they shared that night, it also guaranteed that all her efforts at getting close to him had gone down the drain
She was
She wanted to dust her skirt and walk away but she needed to have the last say on the matter
It was a matter of principle for her
He deserved to be told off
The next morning, she got a mail from him
It was a plane ticket to Abuja for the weekend
He didn't ask
She felt her plans should still work if she manages the situation with wisdom
She packed her bag
They met at the airport and flew together
When they got to the hotel, she insisted on staying in a separate room
He paid for the room and disappeared all-day
They met at the restaurant of the hotel
He apologized for his silence and told her he had arranged with a friend to introduce her to another businesswoman who imports goods from China just like she does
He said he felt the lady
It was the last thing she was expecting
He had a business plan and all drawn up for her
When he invited her over to his room to rehearse and prepare for her meeting with the woman the next day, she couldn't say no
She told herself she had everything under
She went to his room and before she could say stop it, she had started singing "Arise O compatriot, to his body"
They sang the national anthem all night
She met the woman the following day and nothing concrete came out of the meeting
Again, he got what he wanted and she
Later, after being with him for another night, she realized she had overestimated her manipulative ability in a huge way
As much as she tried, he didn't fall for any of her mind games,
She suspected he was even somehow irritated by her "attempts" in a way
It felt to
When they returned to Lagos, she told herself it wasn't worth it and stopped picking his calls
One must know when to walk away
One year later, they met at the Night of Glory
He came because he got filled with the Holy Ghost and had
She came because her desire to meet her husband had not panned out and she needed a miracle
When he was speaking with the brother in Jeans and t-shirt after the service, he mentioned her name and stated that he was surprised to see her
They had both met at another kind of church
They rekindled their friendship and this time, they were both straightforward and did things the right way
He proposed and she said yes
They will be getting married in Ibadan on December 26, 2020
The next thing was how to manage her
emotional asset with him
She didn't want to sleep with him anymore
It would be pointless as she planned
to get into a relationship and get married
within the next year
At the same time, she felt the sex
More from Gbenga Samuel-Wemimo
More from Life
"I lied about my basic beliefs in order to keep a prestigious job. Now that it will be zero-cost to me, I have a few things to say."
We know that elite institutions like the one Flier was in (partial) charge of rely on irrelevant status markers like private school education, whiteness, legacy, and ability to charm an old white guy at an interview.
Harvard's discriminatory policies are becoming increasingly well known, across the political spectrum (see, e.g., the recent lawsuit on discrimination against East Asian applications.)
It's refreshing to hear a senior administrator admits to personally opposing policies that attempt to remedy these basic flaws. These are flaws that harm his institution's ability to do cutting-edge research and to serve the public.
Harvard is being eclipsed by institutions that have different ideas about how to run a 21st Century institution. Stanford, for one; the UC system; the "public Ivys".
As a dean of a major academic institution, I could not have said this. But I will now. Requiring such statements in applications for appointments and promotions is an affront to academic freedom, and diminishes the true value of diversity, equity of inclusion by trivializing it. https://t.co/NfcI5VLODi
— Jeffrey Flier (@jflier) November 10, 2018
We know that elite institutions like the one Flier was in (partial) charge of rely on irrelevant status markers like private school education, whiteness, legacy, and ability to charm an old white guy at an interview.
Harvard's discriminatory policies are becoming increasingly well known, across the political spectrum (see, e.g., the recent lawsuit on discrimination against East Asian applications.)
It's refreshing to hear a senior administrator admits to personally opposing policies that attempt to remedy these basic flaws. These are flaws that harm his institution's ability to do cutting-edge research and to serve the public.
Harvard is being eclipsed by institutions that have different ideas about how to run a 21st Century institution. Stanford, for one; the UC system; the "public Ivys".
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Don't look at deadlines negatively! They are a useful tool to measure your performance + stimulate you to do more. You can learn a lot from a single deadline. Did you work too little or too much? Was the goal too ambitious or easy? Apply lessons to the future work. 😉 #MyMindset
I wish I had this... — don't excuse yourself. Forget about what you can't and focus on what you can.
Stop comparing yourself to others, come from the point of what you have, know and have: "I can... so I will do..!" #MyMindset
BTW this was an update of one of the previous tweets. And I'm continuing this thread today!
Do something for the long-term. Everything else is a distraction. 🛑 Nowadays I always check if the thing I'm doing aligns with my long-term plans. If not — that is probably not the best thing to do at the moment. #MyMindset
The only way to get more done is to have less to do. Eliminate your obligations, say "no" to things that are not important, stay minimal in what you do, focus. Being busy is not equal to getting things done. #MyMindset
I wish I had this... — don't excuse yourself. Forget about what you can't and focus on what you can.
Stop comparing yourself to others, come from the point of what you have, know and have: "I can... so I will do..!" #MyMindset
BTW this was an update of one of the previous tweets. And I'm continuing this thread today!
Focus only on positive things! These include what *you* have, know and can do. If you don't have, know or cannot do something either get it or ignore it. Don't think about it and don't use it as an excuse.
— Gleb Sabirzyanov (@zyumbik) October 17, 2018
I've been struggling to follow this principle for a long time. #MyMindset pic.twitter.com/SK5vtwHs3G
Do something for the long-term. Everything else is a distraction. 🛑 Nowadays I always check if the thing I'm doing aligns with my long-term plans. If not — that is probably not the best thing to do at the moment. #MyMindset
The only way to get more done is to have less to do. Eliminate your obligations, say "no" to things that are not important, stay minimal in what you do, focus. Being busy is not equal to getting things done. #MyMindset
