I'm sitting in bed waiting for this last recipe to drop from a balloon in Animal Crossing & I'm thinking.
I've been sick the past couple of days with what I assume (and hopefully is) the bi-/tri-yearly changing of the seasons infection I always get. This year obviously is 1/
With all of these variables & circumstances, daily I wake up, see what is going on via @jimbuctwit & calculate in my head the risks of the day. It's something that I started doing around April to calm my anxiety 5/
3.4%. That's it. In SD these are the only hospitals that are fully equipped for trauma to this degree. Not based on anything else but staffing & funding. Other hospitals are rural hospitals 11/
https://t.co/KU4P4Qp6Rw
Updated Saturday, November 28, 2020.
— SDJim (@jimbuctwit) November 28, 2020
Today on the DoH site:
ICU bed availability:
Avera McK 3.4%
Sanford USD 0.0%
Monument RC 0.0%
I said I was laying in bed. As I'm laying in bed I have my mask to the side of me, as I usually do when I get the bi-/tri-yearly infection from hell when the seasons change. I wear it always when I go to the bathroom or any shared area. 12/
But now? Now it can escalate to something that I don't want to fathom. I'm immunocompromised, but young. I get sick easily. What if this is Covid-19? 13/
All of these thoughts that I've suppressed for so long are racing through my head so fast that one 15/
I look at the mask beside me and wonder how many nights like this would have not happened. Not nights of 'what ifs' like me, but nights of grief & loss; nights of worry & stress wondering if 16/
Their pain is immeasurable & we will never know the full extent of it - and we should.
All for entitlement labeled 'freedom'.
Freedom isn't doing what you want. It's doing what you need so that you can continue 17/
But this fear; I know this feeling. It's an anxiety attack building to a panic attack. But instead of some irrational thought I have to tell myself is dumb & will never happen, I know I can't do that right now, because honestly, it might. 18/
I need this balloon.
More from Life
TW: suicidal ideation.
At the darkest days of the abuse I was being subjected to I decided to attend a conference for women in Los Angeles. I convinced my mother in law to pay for it because I couldn’t afford it. @ChristineCaine was preaching. I was desperate...
1/
I wanted to die, I didn’t see a way out and I had tried everything. I imagined many ways to die daily. The most recurring one was throwing my car down a bridge I had to drive over every day. I never did it because my kids were in the car and I was afraid one of them would...
2/
survive or I’d kill someone on the way down.
Christine spoke about honoring your pastors even when they weren’t great, she spoke of us expecting too much of pastors and how wrong that was. She said God would use our testimony if we submitted to our pastors.
3/
She said “honor your pastors, God will honor you.” She said more about having disagreed with her pastors but she submitted and God honored her and now she’s blessed. How if they are faithfully serving God, we need to support them and not forfeit what God has for us.
4/
I felt my heart drop into my stomach. I got up and went to the bathroom because I couldn’t breath and I felt like I was going to faint if I didn’t scream. I now know I was having a panic attack. I sat on the toilet w/my head between my legs, breathed and wept..
5/
At the darkest days of the abuse I was being subjected to I decided to attend a conference for women in Los Angeles. I convinced my mother in law to pay for it because I couldn’t afford it. @ChristineCaine was preaching. I was desperate...
1/
There are many reasons why the unfolding news of Ravi Zacharias\u2019 abuse is enraging. But for me, there\u2019s one other piece. The women he chose to abuse were young, massage therapists, ethnic minorities, likely women who were not in positions of power or education.
— Devi Abraham (@devi_writes) February 12, 2021
I wanted to die, I didn’t see a way out and I had tried everything. I imagined many ways to die daily. The most recurring one was throwing my car down a bridge I had to drive over every day. I never did it because my kids were in the car and I was afraid one of them would...
2/
survive or I’d kill someone on the way down.
Christine spoke about honoring your pastors even when they weren’t great, she spoke of us expecting too much of pastors and how wrong that was. She said God would use our testimony if we submitted to our pastors.
3/
She said “honor your pastors, God will honor you.” She said more about having disagreed with her pastors but she submitted and God honored her and now she’s blessed. How if they are faithfully serving God, we need to support them and not forfeit what God has for us.
4/
I felt my heart drop into my stomach. I got up and went to the bathroom because I couldn’t breath and I felt like I was going to faint if I didn’t scream. I now know I was having a panic attack. I sat on the toilet w/my head between my legs, breathed and wept..
5/