I'm sitting in bed waiting for this last recipe to drop fro…

Very different. I know that most, of not every hospital around me is full in the ICU & is taking people out of the state, if there is even room there. My rural town's hospital is nowhere equipped to handle this. The workers there are amazing. My husband is best friends with 2/

One of the nurses since high school. They are exhausted & being obviously treated by shit by half our town & heroes by the other half. I cannot imagine anything more jarring than that other than that; other than losing patients daily to a disease that they don't believe in. 3/

I'm not worried for my health, but my mother-in-law's health. We live in a multi-generational home & she is in her 70s. No one in our family goes out. We all order groceries online & cook for every meal. It's been like this since March for me & her. A little later for my 4/

Husband after his work went from 'essential' to being laid off.

With all of these variables & circumstances, daily I wake up, see what is going on via @jimbuctwit & calculate in my head the risks of the day. It's something that I started doing around April to calm my anxiety 5/

down from the pandemic. My anxiety disorder & other mental health issues got very bad at the start of Covid-19, so I relied on math, data, & science to look at my risk. Not like @govkristinoem when she names them off like a focus group for her next multimillion dollar 6/

AD campaign on "Ways I'm working on Covid in SD: the eternal lie of @KristiNoem", but like, "There are 31 people in my area with it. There are X people. My chance is Y." THIS worked for many months, until the past few months started to get increasingly worse & worse. 7/

"There are 2% infected. 2.8%...4%... 4.4%...5.8%...6.2%...7.1%...8.4%....8.8%...9.1%...10.2%...11.3%...11.7%...12.9%...and that's then I stopped counting. It gave me too much anxiety. South Dakota has some counties where almost 20% are/were infected. Then I turned to the 8/

hospitalizations. Okay. The numbers immediately didn't add up, but I didn't want to seem like a 'tin foil' hat person. Now I realizing that since the @SDDOH admitted they were counting NICU beds as adult Covid-19 beds, my gut was right. I do still think that something is 9/

desperately wrong with HSC (Human Services Center) being listed, as it is essentially a ALC & has the same physical layout as a jail; it is a mental health facility & we haven't heard a word from them since Covid-19 started. They need to be checked on & safety ensured asap. 10/

But today I look at hospital capacity from @jimbuctwit.
3.4%. That's it. In SD these are the only hospitals that are fully equipped for trauma to this degree. Not based on anything else but staffing & funding. Other hospitals are rural hospitals 11/

https://t.co/KU4P4Qp6Rw

Updated Saturday, November 28, 2020.

Today on the DoH site:

ICU bed availability:
Avera McK 3.4%
Sanford USD 0.0%
Monument RC 0.0%
— SDJim (@jimbuctwit) November 28, 2020

So how does this all tie in?

I said I was laying in bed. As I'm laying in bed I have my mask to the side of me, as I usually do when I get the bi-/tri-yearly infection from hell when the seasons change. I wear it always when I go to the bathroom or any shared area. 12/

It's always been a thing for me. I don't want to get my MIL sick, even if it's just this stupid infection that's annoying.

But now? Now it can escalate to something that I don't want to fathom. I'm immunocompromised, but young. I get sick easily. What if this is Covid-19? 13/

What if she gets it? There is one hospital in a decent driving distance for us. If it's full then what? Winter is almost here & South Dakota winters are hell. What if we can't drive her? Ambulances can't drive her? What if there is no room anywhere we can actually get to? 14/

She has underlying health issues too. What do we do? What is our game plan? What if that plan doesn't work? Is there a second one? Are we going to be at home lost & confused?

All of these thoughts that I've suppressed for so long are racing through my head so fast that one 15/

Doesn't even end before the next one begins. Each one more filled with terror.

I look at the mask beside me and wonder how many nights like this would have not happened. Not nights of 'what ifs' like me, but nights of grief & loss; nights of worry & stress wondering if 16/

Their loved one would pull through or get better.

Their pain is immeasurable & we will never know the full extent of it - and we should.

All for entitlement labeled 'freedom'.

Freedom isn't doing what you want. It's doing what you need so that you can continue 17/

To be free.

But this fear; I know this feeling. It's an anxiety attack building to a panic attack. But instead of some irrational thought I have to tell myself is dumb & will never happen, I know I can't do that right now, because honestly, it might. 18/

So I'll continue to sit in bed, play Animal Crossing while sick, waiting for the last balloon recipe I need as I think of all the actions the SD leaders @SenJohnThune, @RepDustyJohnson, @SenatorRounds could do to help us; instead of the polarizing social media posts weekly 19/

Or how the @SDDOH officials & the head @sddohkmr should be separate from @KristiNoem & not go to $1k/plate fundraisers for her. Or how @govkristinoem could be doing to protect all of us right now, but continues to be the selfish & cuel of people imaginable.

I need this balloon.