Here's something you should know about yourself. When choosing between two options, your decision is heavily influenced by whether you are asking yourself: "which is better" or "which is worse." 1/9

In research by Shafir, scientists asked subjects which of these two vacation spots they'd PREFER: one with average weather, beaches, hotels, warm water and decent nightlife -- or one with great weather, beaches, and hotels, but cold water and no nightlife. Most chose the latter.
But when told to imagine they had reserved both and had to CANCEL one or the other: one with average weather, beaches, hotels, warm water and decent nightlife -- or one with great weather, beaches, and hotels, but cold water and no nightlife. Most chose the latter. 3/9
Same information, different choice, and the only difference was how the question was framed: which would you prefer or which would you cancel? 4/9
They also asked people to imagine deciding case for custody of a child. One parent had average income, health, work hours, rapport with the child, and a stable social life. The other had above average income, great rapport, but worked long hours and had an active social life. 5/9
When asked to AWARD custody, most people chose the above-average parent without a lot of spare time. When asked to DENY custody, most people chose the exact same parent. 6/9
Same information, different choice, and the only difference was how the question was framed: which would you award or which would you deny? 7/9
When looking for good reasons, you base your decision on what seems better-than-average. When looking for bad reasons, you base your decision on what seem worse-than-average. And you do this for everything -- potential partners, new cars, places to live, eat, work, etc. 8/9
This is the essence of motivated reasoning. You don't carefully contemplate all the pros and cons of your choices, you use either pros or cons as a guide depending on your motivation. In other words, when you are looking for a reason to choose A over B, you will find it. 9/9

More from Life

1/ Here’s a list of conversational frameworks I’ve picked up that have been helpful.

Please add your own.

2/ The Magic Question: "What would need to be true for you


3/ On evaluating where someone’s head is at regarding a topic they are being wishy-washy about or delaying.

“Gun to the head—what would you decide now?”

“Fast forward 6 months after your sabbatical--how would you decide: what criteria is most important to you?”

4/ Other Q’s re: decisions:

“Putting aside a list of pros/cons, what’s the *one* reason you’re doing this?” “Why is that the most important reason?”

“What’s end-game here?”

“What does success look like in a world where you pick that path?”

5/ When listening, after empathizing, and wanting to help them make their own decisions without imposing your world view:

“What would the best version of yourself do”?

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Great article from @AsheSchow. I lived thru the 'Satanic Panic' of the 1980's/early 1990's asking myself "Has eveyrbody lost their GODDAMN MINDS?!"


The 3 big things that made the 1980's/early 1990's surreal for me.

1) Satanic Panic - satanism in the day cares ahhhh!

2) "Repressed memory" syndrome

3) Facilitated Communication [FC]

All 3 led to massive abuse.

"Therapists" -and I use the term to describe these quacks loosely - would hypnotize people & convince they they were 'reliving' past memories of Mom & Dad killing babies in Satanic rituals in the basement while they were growing up.

Other 'therapists' would badger kids until they invented stories about watching alligators eat babies dropped into a lake from a hot air balloon. Kids would deny anything happened for hours until the therapist 'broke through' and 'found' the 'truth'.

FC was a movement that started with the claim severely handicapped individuals were able to 'type' legible sentences & communicate if a 'helper' guided their hands over a keyboard.