The Twelve Days of Christmas - A Correspondence

By John Julius Norwich

(THREAD)

25th December

The Christmas Story (Luke 2 - New Revised Bogan Edition):

Back in the days of some Roman bastard named Caesar Augustus, he called out for a census or some shit, to count how many people the Romans had under their thumb. So everyone had to piss off back to their

own towns to do it. Shows how nothing's changed, at least they didn't have to deal with MyGov. Caesar was a bit of a dog cunt though.

So, Joseph hoofed it back to Bethlehem from Nazareth because that's where he was from, right? He had to take Mary with him, because she was his

defacto or some shit and she was knocked up. She had great fuckin' timing though, cos while they were in Bethlehem gettin' their names marked off by the Roman pigs, she decided that's where she was gonna pop her sprog! They didn't even have some you beaut section of highway for

sheilas to have their kids on. Mary did it rough, wrapped her kid in Joseph's fave Holden shirt and put Him in a manger cos no cunt had a room spare at the inn.

There were some blokes herding sheep out in the paddock near the inn, watching 'em so no bastard fucked off with

any of them while they slept. Then, out of nowhere, some winged bastard appears with light around them like it came from the PolAir chopper, and they were packin' it. But he yelled out "Oi cunt! No need to be scared, mate! I got some goss for ya! It's fuckin' great and

So, a little story about conspiracies, conspiracists and America. I'm typing this as I go, so no idea how long this thread is going to be. Just over a decade ago, me and the family went on holiday - to a ranch in Texas.

It my son's choice - he was going through a Westerns phase, thought he was too old to be going on holiday with us, so we let him choose the destination, and just went with it.

The ranch was a lovely old place, run by a guy in his sixties or seventies, though most of the actual running was done by a fantastic Mexican couple who lived there.

The old guy was very Texan - beautiful manners, larger than life, full of stories. The other memory I have is that there were guns *everywhere*. In just about every room.

He spent his evenings online, but not in the way you'd expect these days. He spent his time on networked multiplayer war games, fighting imaginary enemies while talking to his fellow players.

*to the tune of girls just wanna have fun* boys just wanna get doxxed