so my eldest brother, who is a moron, has been playing soldier with his moron friends in the deserts of texas for the last year preparing for the collapse of civilization if biden won (lol). they were burying food and ammo stashes out in the desert, running drills, crazy stuff

this included getting a cb license so he could be their lifeline to other groups of white idiots when the cell towers all went offline. wouldn't want to violate federal law while communicating with your resistance groups after the fall of the federal government i guess.
anyways, you would assume given that they've been prepping for the end of the world for at least a year they're well situated to ride out the rolling blackouts right?

wellll
their plan for cooking and heating during an extended power outage was natural gas, but like a lot of homes their gas service is out. the food in their freezer and fridge is already toast due to the power outrages, so they're down to canned stuff, but there's a catch.
they can get into the pull top cans just fine, but the ones that require an opener? their only can opener is electric. so a good 3/4 of his canned food store is inaccessible to him unless he goes after it with a knife, which i sincerely hope he does.
so captain survival was eating unheated ravioli out of a can yesterday because i guess he doesn't know how to start a fire? they have a fire pit but it too is gas fired.

he told my mom they're probably going to break into the survival buckets soon. i'm sure that's great food.
he told my mom that the blackout is due to texas switching everything to "wind power" but that he didn't discount that the government was doing this on purpose. if you can figure out why they'd arbitrarily freeze out a giant state hey points to you.
the saving grace in all this is he's having to ration his phone usage so he can't sit on the phone with my mom for hours crying about it. he's forced to sit there and talk to his wife, who is almost as dumb as he is.
presumably he's sitting there shivering, ranting about libs while he sucks down cold beefaroni. what a life.
he's tried contacting his best friend in his little larping group, but he's gone to ground. i sincerely hope that means he thinks this is the start of the great purge or whatever and he's disappeared to the mountains to evade fema and child support bailiffs
i'm trying to get more details from my mom but i have to play it cool. if i laugh she'll stop telling me about it, so i have to pretend this is very serious and i'm concerned for his safety while i'm imagining him hitting a can of baked beans with a screwdriver repeatedly
on the plus side they've got plenty of guns and ammo, so they can shoot the shit out of the snow.
locking two people with marital strife in a house with no supplies, no access to power, but plenty of access to guns and ammo seems like a great idea. i think this should work out great.
just to give you all some additional comfort: his wife is part of the group who helps select the textbooks texas buys every year, just in case you're wondering about the kind of people that make those decisions.

More from Politics

THREAD:
Good afternoon, followers of frivolous election litigation. There's a last-minute entry in the competition for dumbest pre-inauguration lawsuit - a totally loony effort to apparently leave the entire USA without a government.

We'll start with the complaint in a minute.

But first, I want to give you a quick explanation for why I'm going to keep talking about these cases even after the inauguration.

They're part of an ongoing effort - one that's not well-coordinated but is widespread - to discredit our fundamental system of government.

It's a direct descendent, in more ways than one, of birtherism. And here's the thing about birtherism. It might have been a joke to a lot of people, but it was extremely pernicious. It obviously validated the racist "not good enough to be President" crowd. But that wasn't all.

Don't get me wrong, that was bad enough. Validating racism helped put the kind of shitbird who would tweet this from an official government account into power. But it didn't stop


(Also, if you agree with Pompeo about multiculturalism - the legendary melting pot - not being what this country is all about, you need to stop following me now. And maybe go somewhere and think about your life choices and what made you such a tool.)
I told you they’d bring this up


I was wondering why that tweet had so many stupid replies. And now I see


Seriously, this was “the night before.” If you’re at the march where they’re changing “Jews will not replace us” and “Blood and soil,” you’re not a “very fine person.” Full stop.


There are 3 important moments in that transcript.

1.) When someone asked Trump about a statement *he had already made* about there being blame on “both sides,” he said the “fine people” line.


2. Trump does clarify! “I’m not talking about the neo-Nazis and white nationalists — because they should be condemned totally “

Okay!

Then adds that there were “many people in that group other than neo-Nazis and white nationalists.”

You May Also Like