One of the sad things we know about abusive parenting is that it often propagates over generations.

I’m very glad my grandfather broke that chain and didn’t become his abusive step-father. Because it turns out that supportive parenting *also* propagates over generations.

The Law of Trust

“I’m not upset that you lied to me. I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe in you”- Friedrich Nietzsche

Sometimes in October, I received a call from a former client who had been out of the country for almost a year.

He is not a Nigerian but had just secured an appointment with a company. His first statement was “Bayo, I need to pick your brain on this because with you I know where I stand. I know you’ll not deceive me”.

After our discussion, he told me he had already informed his Chairman that their banking relationship had to come to me. I’ve signed it on since.

I’ve had cause to reflect over his statement many times since then. Here was a man whom sometimes I had very difficult conversations with. I’ve had to tell him no when I knew his requests were not possible. Sometimes, the relationship was stormy.

I never fail to tell my colleagues that the major currency for transaction is integrity and this will only be sustained in an atmosphere of trust. Never lie to customers in order to make a sale.

If there is one thing I have learned it is that people love bullshit. They buy bullshit stories from professional bullshit artists, accept bullshit philosophies, purchase bullshit how-to-books, vote for bullshitting politicians.

At first, I resisted believing this because it is illogical and dumb and frankly, doesn't reflect well on the human race of which I am a member (and thus have long been hopeful that it is more of a distinction than it actually turns out to be.)

But if you actually are interested in facts you begin to notice how little most people care for them. Sometimes it is because they are heard to learn and bullshit is so much more widely and easily available. Sometimes it is because facts make them uncomfortable about themselves.

Sometimes it is because just one tiny fact will upset a whole worldview that has grown as comfortable as an overstuffed chair. (Settling into such worldviews is a lot like settling into chairs like that because the longer you're there and the deeper you sink...

...the harder it is to hoist yourself up and out of your fat-assed intellectual laziness.) But I actually think the reason people have such an appetite for bullshit goes deeper, goes to an aspect of ourselves we just can't accept.

Stick with me for a story about how the logic of lockdowns can turn into something really sinister.

It begins with a Golden Retriever named Neesha

Neesha and her little pup sibling Harley were lost on an hike, taking in the outdoor air in the Wicklow Mountains.

If you've never been to Ireland, you should understand that these are 1) right near the city where most of the country lives and 2) the most beautiful thing you've ever seen

The dogs had bolted, and the owners had only ben able to find Harley. They thought Neesha was dead. But miraculously, two doctors on a hike in Wicklow found Neesha almost two full weeks later

She lost a third of her body weight, but now she is at home, snuggled up and warm with her family.

Thread: A personal episode from the past that I feel is very relevant to be shared today, especially for parents of young girls.

I was 18, when my first cousin morphed my face with that of a male school friend in extremely compromising position.

Very believable for anyone without knowledge of tech.

I was devastated. This was a brother I looked upto. This was the brother I had given my laptop to so he could apply for jobs. And on the same laptop, he made those photographs of me, his younger sister.

Why did he do that? He was kicked out of his house by his family after he married a girl w/o their consent. He was homeless, so my parents let him stay with us till my his family cools down & accepts them back. After 6 months, he felt threatened he'd be asked to leave our place.

So one day, he confronts my parents, infront of me, with those pictures and shows those photographs, with clear terms - pay him & his wife a fixed amount every month, let them stay at our home or he would leak those pictures everywhere.

I still remember he explained how he would distribute those pictures on the day they would get me married 😂

I don't know how any other parent from lower middle class would have reacted to this. But I remember how my parents did, that changed my relationship with them forever.