I study kids and help-seeking. I wrote a whole book about it. So I have *a lot* of thoughts about those tweets with the dad and his daughter and the can of beans.

A thread. 1/

On the one hand, when parents swoop in and do everything for their kids, kids learn to fear failure and hard work.

So I get what the dad was trying to do - teach his daughter to work hard for what she wants and not be afraid to fail.

But, I also take issue with his approach. 2/
What's wrong with his approach? Especially given that she was successful in the end? Well, let's consider what the daughter might take away from this interaction, particularly in terms of her confidence in herself and her trust in adults. 3/
First, how might the daughter feel about herself after taking so long to figure it out? Especially if her dad said to her what he said in the tweets (e.g., she's not a "mechanically inclined kid;" "spatial orientation, process visualization... are not things she... intuits"). 4/
My guess - she'll assume it took her so long because there's something wrong with her. When, in reality, it was because her dad refused to give her the scaffolding (info and skills) she needed to succeed with the task. Can you imagine teaching kids math or reading this way?! 5/
As a side note, this is not all that different from how I was "taught" to drive a manual transmission car. With equally confidence-crushing results. 6/
Second, how might the daughter feel about her dad after all this? She might feel pride in surviving his "tough love." But I'm guessing she won't trust him enough to ask him for help when she's really struggling. And I hope she has someone else she can trust, instead. 7/
As I find in my research, when kids don't get the support they need with learning and with tackling tough problems, they avoid asking for help. They feel bad about needing support. And they blame themselves when they can't figure it out on their own. 8/
https://t.co/dkeoGUTBEO.
So what's the takeaway? Parents shouldn't just do everything for their kids. And they shouldn't refuse to give any help. Instead, parents should help kids recognize when they don't have the info/skills they need to succeed, and they should provide that scaffolding and support. //
The approach I'm suggesting is *way* harder than doing things for kids or telling them to figure it out. But good parenting - like good teaching and good mentoring - requires real work. And yet, because it's not valued as real work, there's little incentive to do it well. //

More from Culture

A thread of very good, wonderful, truly Super Bowls.

Translucent agate bowl with ornamental grooves and coffee-and-cream marbling. Found near Qift in southern Egypt. 300 - 1,000 BC. 📷 Getty Museum https://t.co/W1HfQZIG2V


Technicolor dreambowl, found in a grave near Zadar on Croatia's Dalmatian Coast. Made by melding and winding thin bars of glass, each adulterated with different minerals to get different colors. 1st century AD. 📷 Zadar Museum of Ancient Glass
https://t.co/H9VfNrXKQK


100,000-year-old abalone shells used to mix red ocher, marrow, charcoal, and water into a colorful paste. Possibly the oldest artist's palettes ever discovered. Blombos Cave, South Africa. 📷https://t.co/0fMeYlOsXG


Reed basket bowl with shell and feather ornaments. Possibly from the Southern Pomo or Lake Miwok cultures. Found in Santa Barbara, CA, circa 1770. 📷 British Museum https://t.co/F4Ix0mXAu6


Wooden bowl with concentric circles and rounded rim, most likely made of umbrella thorn acacia (Vachellia/Acacia tortilis). Qumran. 1st Century BCE. 📷 https://t.co/XZCw67Ho03

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प्राचीन काल में गाधि नामक एक राजा थे।उनकी सत्यवती नाम की एक पुत्री थी।राजा गाधि ने अपनी पुत्री का विवाह महर्षि भृगु के पुत्र से करवा दिया।महर्षि भृगु इस विवाह से बहुत प्रसन्न हुए और उन्होने अपनी पुत्रवधु को आशीर्वाद देकर उसे कोई भी वर मांगने को कहा।


सत्यवती ने महर्षि भृगु से अपने तथा अपनी माता के लिए पुत्र का वरदान मांगा।ये जानकर महर्षि भृगु ने यज्ञ किया और तत्पश्चात सत्यवती और उसकी माता को अलग-अलग प्रकार के दो चरू (यज्ञ के लिए पकाया हुआ अन्न) दिए और कहा कि ऋतु स्नान के बाद तुम्हारी माता पुत्र की इच्छा लेकर पीपल का आलिंगन...

...करें और तुम भी पुत्र की इच्छा लेकर गूलर वृक्ष का आलिंगन करना। आलिंगन करने के बाद चरू का सेवन करना, इससे तुम दोनो को पुत्र प्राप्ति होगी।परंतु मां बेटी के चरू आपस में बदल जाते हैं और ये महर्षि भृगु अपनी दिव्य दृष्टि से देख लेते हैं।

भृगु ऋषि सत्यवती से कहते हैं,"पुत्री तुम्हारा और तुम्हारी माता ने एक दुसरे के चरू खा लिए हैं।इस कारण तुम्हारा पुत्र ब्राह्मण होते हुए भी क्षत्रिय सा आचरण करेगा और तुम्हारी माता का पुत्र क्षत्रिय होकर भी ब्राह्मण सा आचरण करेगा।"
इस पर सत्यवती ने भृगु ऋषि से बड़ी विनती की।


सत्यवती ने कहा,"मुझे आशीर्वाद दें कि मेरा पुत्र ब्राह्मण सा ही आचरण करे।"तब महर्षि ने उसे ये आशीर्वाद दे दिया कि उसका पुत्र ब्राह्मण सा ही आचरण करेगा किन्तु उसका पौत्र क्षत्रियों सा व्यवहार करेगा। सत्यवती का एक पुत्र हुआ जिसका नाम जम्दाग्नि था जो सप्त ऋषियों में से एक हैं।