Alright let's do this 1 retweet = 1 harsh Psychology truth…

Most men avoid therapy because most therapy approaches are not designed to help the male brain deal with pain or find solutions. That makes men believe therapy is worthless. And men skip things that feel worthless.

Most people use therapy the way humans are meant to connect with our 5 safety net systems, which we retained even up to 100 years ago:

Immediate family
Extended family (kin)
Family friend network (kith)
Local community
Religious community

All 5 are now broken.

Chronic pain is often correlated with low oxytocin.

Oxytocin is a hormone that (among other things) is released in large quantities inside our good relationships as we interact, feel loved, and embrace others.

Ongoing bad relationships afflict most chronic pain sufferers. 👀

Many people who take multiple psych meds to manage their symptoms would be better off fixing their relationships to help improve their brain chemistry.

Most mental health systems will never tell people this, because the system is mostly built to address symptoms.

Male depression is usually based on feeling helpless, powerless, and unable to affect one's own life or environment.

Therapy models focus on helping men feel heard and loved instead of restoring their sense of personal power.

Men need solutions, not just feelings.

Nice guy issues come from anxious attachment style. He grew up afraid his mother would abandon him, so all he knows is how to earn good-boy points and approval to avoid abandonment.

That's never going to make any woman happy. Which is why nice guys finish last.

One reason for the medication epidemic happening in America is that medication providers only get about 15 minutes with each patient and are expected to prescribe at least 1 medication in that amount of time. And many med providers are supervised nurses, not trained psychiatrists

Check out the facts on how much schooling and work is required to be a medication provider. That's not a bad thing, but it has (in part) led to a severe deficiency in trained med providers as the system gets overwhelmed. So they've opened up med providing to nurses w supervision.

These supervised nurses often do their very best to maintain the best quality of care for patients.

But the reality is that patients get 15 minutes with people who need the highest level of training, and those best trained for the job are usually supervising instead.

Graduate school trains most therapists explicitly to view the human experience through the lens of diagnosable disorders rather than helping them with underlying issues like relationships and attachment.

So we end up treating symptoms without ever seeing the link to attachment.

Most couples therapy is useless. Not because the therapy is wrong, but because most couples don't go to therapy together until one of them is absolutely not wanting to work on the relationship anymore. They're using therapy as an excuse to air their frustration one last time.

In my years working with sex offenders, and training in attachment and personality disorders, it became clear they do not see their victims as human beings. Just objects. And they pick an object to assault based mostly on convenience

But most sex victims worry they encouraged it

Part of the issue is that female sex victims relate to the female sex drive, which mostly activates toward a specific person when that person has made them feel certain things.

So most women imagine they made their attacker feel the desire that led to the sexual act

It's wrong.

Suicide is not about the person wanting to die. It's about wanting the pain they're experiencing to finally stop. And only death seems to bring that hope.

Solving suicide issues is not about making people want to live. It's about helping them find ways to end their pain.

Most female depression is based on feeling either unloved or feeling useless to the people they love. Both are often based on attachment issues. But most therapists aren't trained on how attachment works.

Which is one reason 25% of women are on psych meds https://t.co/jXvqB1RpaD

Most people with lifelong chronic insomnia don't understand how this can be linked to their relationships. They just think they don't sleep well by nature. But many cases of chronic insomnia can be helped by working on deep relationship factors that lead to general anxiety issues

Working as a couples therapist for years, I didn't see even one divorce case where at least one of the spouses didn't have attachment issues. Every time. But most couples therapists aren't trained in attachment, and don't know to check for that.

Husbands who complain about having zero sex have no idea how the female sex drive actually works.

And the complaining makes it much worse.

Cutting and other forms of self-harm are usually a destructive coping mechanism for relieving mental agitation. It activates parts of the brain that decrease emotional sensations. But most parents don't know this, so they accidentally make their teen worse when they find the mark

Daycare has been shown in many cases to harm attachments, especially for babies. Their mental health outcomes later in life are impacted.

Saying this out loud can get you fired.

Most people in therapy are there because of the people in their life who actually needed therapy refused to get it.

Most cases of depression are a natural response to our broken society. We gain much of our sense of worth, purpose, meaning, and joy from our relationships. But those relationships have never been more systematically destroyed than they are today.

Most men don't know how female communication works. They provide solutions, which is what THEY would want, when a woman wants VALIDATION.

When this is pointed out, most men assume it's untrue. Because they'd hate to receive only validation instead of a solution.

Most women communicate with men using methods that only work for women. When they don't get the response a woman would give them, they think men are rejecting them. They agonize over what they could have done wrong to be treated this way.

Most men have no idea this is happening.

At about 6 to 12 months into a relationship, the female sex drive switches from attraction and bonding to long-term stability. That means emotional intimacy, trust, and predictability.

Many couples lack these 3 things. So her sex drive tanks.

Neither person fully gets why.

Most women with attachment issues ramp their sex drive through the roof even more than usual at the start of a relationship and then nosedive the moment it becomes long-term.

And they hate themselves for both sides of it.

Most depressed men probably don't need medication. Even then ones who do need it need more than just medication.

Depressed men need purpose, a mission, and the power to accomplish that mission.

Give a man those 3 things and he can crawl over broken glass with a smile.

It's okay to be sad. That doesn't mean you're depressed.

It's okay to be worried. That doesn't mean you're anxious.

It's okay to experience trauma. That doesn't mean you have PTSD.

Not everything is a diagnosable issue.

The best couples have business meetings to discuss the state of their relationship.

They address problems together with a solution-focused approach and guarantee mutual fulfillment.

Because a lasting marriage is more like a business than a fairytale.

A damaged man is incapable of love because he does not believe love will be freely given, only earned through works.

He seeks false intimacy in lust and mistakes sex for acceptance. These men seek insecure women who believe themselves unlovable and who use sex to earn approval.

Women tend to be happiest when they feel USEFUL to the people they love. They also want to feel TRUSTED with inside information about how you’re doing and what your challenges are, again so they can HELP and BE USEFUL.

VULNERABILITY indicates huge trust.

Some people actually believe you must have sex with someone before you marry them to make sure it's good sex.

As if sexual behavior is innate and not cultivated through deep communication and sharing of needs.

These people want physical intimacy without emotional intimacy.

Sex should be the fulfillment of your emotional connection with someone else. Drawn from trust and emotional intimacy. That's the best way to prevent harm, bad bonding, dangerous relationships, and painful regret.

Saying this in therapy can get you sued.

A person obsessing over politics is a good indicator their personal relationships are a mess. Unless they're financially invested in the political sphere, they're probably compensating for feeling powerless in their life.

The public school system treats boys like defective girls.

Then raises girls to act more like boys.

Check the CDC's medication rates for ADHD in boys and anti-depressants in girls.

Many people know that Vitamin D can help with depression but few realize the human body requires Magnesium to make use of that Vitamin D. Fewer still understand the role of Magnesium in stress management and anxiety control. Most are more likely to just take meds.

Millions of American men can’t even remember the last time they got a hug.

Most remember every compliment they’ve ever received because they live on ONE PER YEAR.

Compliment a guy in your life. Your kind words may help him through a dark time.

You might save a life.

Some men have no idea how their brain actually works or feels because they've been on Ritalin or a similar drug since age 5.

If you

✅Obsess over relationships
✅Fear abandonment
✅Believe you're worthless
✅Think bad things are always your fault
✅And constantly try to earn approval from others

You likely have anxious attachment style.

You can fix it. But most therapists don't know how.

If you

✅Obsess over independence
✅Fear being trapped
✅Believe other people cannot work in good faith
✅Think bad people are the default
✅And constantly try to stay safe from others

You likely have avoidant attachment style

You can fix it. But most therapists don't know how

Alright let's do this

1 retweet = 1 harsh Psychology truth from a retired psychotherapist

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Alright let's do this1 retweet = 1 harsh Psychology truth from a retired psychotherapist

More from All

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Alright let's do this

1 retweet = 1 harsh Psychology truth from a retired psychotherapist