BC TECH
Saved by @CodyyyGardner

Out of all the technological hacks I've used to better the quality of my life, the single most painful yet effective way to increase wellbeing, throw people out of your life who do not align with your values.

Don't wait; the soon, the better.

 I'm not talking about disagreements; I'm talking about fundamentally how we treat each other when we are communicating & solving problems.

This means freedom to express all your feelings, not just some. Especially the ones you're afraid of sharing because of shame or confusion.
Yet, while my skill for expressing myself in person, online and onstage has increased exponentially over the past decade, my ability to not be isolated by these skills has continued to dwindle.

The irony of maturation.
On the one hand, to communicate effectively, you need a command of the language, a sense of self, and autonomy over interconnected reality. Oddly enough, the exact opposite skills need to be utilized to be understood.
In the past year, I have had two different scenarios with people I respect; both ended in months, the other in a day.
Neither relationship is gone, I hope, but the ground in which those relationships were changing, partnerships, agreements, deepening of commitment have vanished
Both times, I severed these relationships, cutting off access to the on-demand nature that my hyper-empathy affords people who don't have the skill and desire to process their own emotions.
It's never easy because, like most of the actual relationship, I carry the departure's weight unequally also. So much of hyper-empathy is a skewed relationship with nonlinear time.
Recently I had a 60-minute conversation with someone that I truly wished to support and explore further collaboration with. In those 60 minutes, I spent 25 mins, restating a question, and earnestly asking if they understood.
I never got an answer, I got a lot of ego dodging, but in a relationship where you are entirely safe to be yourself, ego dodging is fatalistic.
Finally, near the end of our call, I just said that this isn't going to work out for me and finish up my business. I felt terrible for about 3 minutes and moved on. I awoke this today thinking of the pain I saved myself, always trying to facilitate emotions & understanding for 2
Take time when you meet anyone to understand HOW they communicate. Then take time to know WHAT they value. People who think like you don't' nearly communicate like you, and I can guarantee they don't feel like you.
Thinking, communicating, and feeling each live in their universe where "values" is the gravity pulling and pushing those things apart.
This means you must systemically consider every interaction from your heart, head, and gut while doing the heavy lifting of context switching, perspective-taking, and emotional regulation.
This is no easy task, and if you feel overwhelmed thinking about someone in your life when they are not around, it's probably too late.
TLDR: Track your friendships, family relationships, and interactions with strangers as closely as you watch your bank, steps, and sleep.

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