You can see recovery behaviour very easily. It’s often pro social in nature, and authentic, pro-self care and pro seeking help. Even strong, opinionated personalities who act authentically but put people offside, tend to do well. I’ve seen behaviour & coping changes in 2-3 weeks.
Rehab is hard, but it’s also the best way to stay sober. It’s a controlled environment. And yeah, it’s not like home. There are strict rules, it can feel unfair, and staff can make mistakes. The hard rules are for the one or two members who occasionally do the wrong thing.
Rehab is a controlled environment intended to minimise your exposure to triggers and drugs. But you’re in there with people who are impulsive and struggling with lifelong trauma. Once the drugs are gone, that trauma comes out. Don’t be afraid. Do rehab, but lean on the staff.
And don’t go to rehab thinking it’s like normal society, it’s a place where your coping will be tested just by being in such close proximity with other people who may have hit rock bottom, or think they have. Who are often distressed. You’re there for you, not them.
Stick to people who’re more recovery focused. But know everyone is at a different point in their emotional coping, socioeconomic status, their education, IQ, and attitudes. Patience will become necessary to get through it, patience with yourself and with others. It’s hard work.
Without coping skills, sobriety and reality is suffering. People have often talked themselves into the idea that life has been unfair and the substance is their way of staying alive. There are so many lies people tell themselves about using, and case workers will challenge you.
But case workers know that the suffering is part of recovery: there’s no way around it. It sucks. It’s hard. But you can still survive while feeling shitty. Feeling shitty can occur when you’re healthy and doing the right things. Sobriety can feel shitty. But then, one day.
You don’t think of yourself as recovering anymore. It’s been so long since you even craved the substance. Your life is not easy, but it’s not as hard and lonely as it was on drugs. You have a reason to be proud. People trust you again, they can be close to you again. And the goal
is no longer this idealised version of your life, but the life you have. And that comes in once you start to practice gratitude.
Look, I talk politics. I blame systems for inequality, suffering, and the breakdown of proper community support. And it’s all very unfair.
But in that unfairness you have to decide whether the suffering of being dependent on a substance, is worse than the suffering of being sober and having to relearn or learn to be a functioning human being again. Often the substance made you feel like you were coping ...
And life was better with that substance but not as bad...that’s the trap. Changing how you feel with chemicals is changing your perception of the SAME situation. The situation has not changed, in fact, denying yourself the bad feelings entrenches unhealthy relationship to self.
Long, lasting positive changes are hard. Take daily commitment. Are exhausting. And absolutely, 100% worth it. But you’re never going to believe that until you actually put in enough effort to get there.
So it requires faith, faith in a better future, and faith in
the person you’re going to become. You need to keep asking for help.
Be open about your thoughts. Shame buries our true selves because we fear rejection.
You are not your behaviour.
You are not your thoughts.
You are not your emotions.
Fusion with these things makes change hard.
But I have seen people go through this and cut off all ties with their using contacts. They change their number, move to a new city, and start a new life because that’s how you recover sometimes. You start again. And what an exciting thought to not be at the beck and call of
...your next shot, your next drink, your next snort. What a delightful thing to be in reality full time and actually feel the entirety of your pain, yet in that pain still find love, real connection and meaning. Sobriety is a 24/7 commitment to reality.
It’s absolutely possible.
It’s worth it.
And you can live that life if you learn who you are, what your triggers are, ask for help, and never give up on finding that relationship with yourself that is calm, loving, and joyful.
Hope and faith in a better life is how you change.
Listen to your case workers, they see your strengths, they see what you’re avoiding, what needs to be brought into the light, and for you to hold all that you are and have done, and to say “it’s okay that this is who I am. And now I can also improve these parts of myself.”
My forte working at a rehab was teaching groups. I like the dynamics of groups. I like watching how we can bring out the best and worst in each other.
But all it comes down to is your willingness to put ego aside and be the beautiful flawed human you are, and then change anyway.
You are not your past. Your mistakes. You are not what other people say.
And once you can say no to behaviours and thoughts that don’t align with your goals.
Once you can feel your pain deeply and not be afraid or numb it away. But let yourself be in pain. And cry. And feel it.
