Stop raising sons as if they are "demigods" who're above accountability. Raise compassionate sons who see themselves and women as equal human beings! Start early to ingrain self control & healthy anger management strategies in your sons. Teach them that GBV is a pubishable crime!
In your umunna & umuada meetings this #DettyDecember, have sessions on Domestic violence and pass clear resolutions. Be the clan that forbids it & declares it an "Nso Ala"; an abomination; alu! Perpetrators should be "barred" from community meetings. Victims encouraged to leave!
#Nwanyịbùífé #Nwabuife As a people, let's revisit our traditional values/pick the positives, instead of swallowing dictates of colonialism/this warped version of Christianity practiced in Nigeria today. Reject "blind submission"/do or die Domestic Violence unions in Igbo culture
As my brother
@EmekaAmakeze reminds us, part of the reason Igba nkwu is done at the bride's village/home is to show the groom/his family that she is loved/respected/from a community that cherishes/protects her; with an army of umunna/umuada who will fight for her. #Nwanyịbùífé
What Governor Ortom/his wife have done is an aberration/condemnable! They are enabling domestic violence. A man who beats his wife has committed a criminal act. It's not a "family affair" to be reconciled. He shd face criminal consequences/Rehabilitation b4 any family talks #VAPP
Dr. Ifeyinwa Angbo is victim of domestic abuse, facing secondary trauma from her abuser/agents of state. Power dynamics are skewed against her. She has a choice/agency to decide to "forgive/reconcile" with her abuser, however the state has a responsibility to protect her/her kids
1/OPD/State Domestic Violence Unit has to ensure that she receives adequate legal/medical/independent psychosocial support;
2/ Social services has to ensure her children receive evaluation/care;
3/ Continuous visitations for months or even up to a year to monitor the situation;
4/ Those who know Dr. Ifeyinwa should ensure she gets access to mental health professionals such as #MentallyAwareNG
Domestic violence contributes to post partum depression & suicidal predispositions. Independent evaluations beyond the performative "reconciliation" shenanigan;🙏
5/ Seen a lot of valid takes about the danger of the abusive husband beating/killing her in future.
ALSO: Once a woman has garnered enough courage to publicly call out her abuser, it is a deep cry for help & she may even kill him in self defence shd this occur again in future.
6/In that disjointed press statement (So despicable for the Ortoms/her abuser, to put her through that ordeal), she mentioned that they had 4 children
⚠Let's normalize telling victims of domestic violence to LEAVE/LIVE FOR THE CHILDREN'S SAKE, instead "Stay for the Children!"😡
A reminder that a woman (or man) who has been subjected to abuse over a sustained period loses their sense of worth/value/esteem/confidence etc. They are no longer quite themselves and are dissociated at a fundamental level. So be kind/empathetic in judging/asking "Why Go Back?"
And for those who are confused that an "educated medical doctor" would allow herself be subjected to abuse or to go back to her abuser..here's the kicker; financial freedom or education is just a small fraction of what keeps victims in toxic doses. Other powerful factors include:
A) A lifetime of indoctrination & brainwashing from family/friends/religious orgs/schools that reduces a woman's worth to her ability to get married and stay married, subliminal/overt messaging on "submission";
B) Fear of society's stigma as a single mother/divorced/separated...
C) Lack of both organic and structured/institutional support systems and networks. At both family level and societal level. We lack well run/comfortable shelters for victims of domestic violence, enforceable legal frameworks, professional therapy is not mainstream, child services
D) When children are involved, there are challenges with respect to child custody and child support, & this is not just financial support. Many don't openly talk about this but it is easier for an Igbo woman with daughters to leave an abusive relationship than for those with sons
It sounds counterintuitive but it's easier for "mama Nkechi" who is a market woman in the village to leave an abusive relationship/remarry, or thrive as a single woman, than it is for a "Dr. Ifeyinwa"
Why? Latter fears stigma more/has more influential people coercing her to stay
These/many more nuanced issues/SOLUTIONS are discussed further on #Nwanyịbùífé #Nwabuife Gender matters especially as they relate to Igbo women. We are sadly seeing a rise in breakdown in family units, more abuse of children by women, more domestic violence at home/abroad by men
