Marie reached out to me today after 2 years, to give me the closure I never got. We talked for a while about our lost baby - lost love. There comes a time in a man's life when you have to look at yourself in the mirror & say, "I need help". I'll get help. I will be a better man.

This is no way for a man to live. You don't go wrecking people who care for you. She was a good woman, who tried her best to help me. I told her I never want her to feel like she was inadequate. I was the problem - still are. I will correct that. I will get help.
As for our little cozy love, I have not known better, and doubt I will. If soulmates ever lived, Marie & I were at the appex. I enjoyed the experience. I never had to work hard at the connection. Should I die today, I am honestly glad I have known a woman's love so soft.
You don't get over it. I have since stopped trying. You learn to live with it, as one of those little secrets that make you smile when life has you by the chokehold: The little pocket in your memory that'll never soil - enduring through seasons. I'll cherish those little moments.
Many lovers will come. Some better than Marie. I have no doubt. They'll be just as genial; possibly, more loving. And I will love them. I will give them my best, and a warm home for our children. But Marie I will never exorcise. She is the abiding truth in my life.
Very few men can claim to have been loved for who they are. Here, I stand counted. I was loved in famine and in harvest; in the storms & quicksands. To be naked, with not a fabric on you, & be wrapped in the warmth of a woman's passion is every man's silent prayer. I am lucky.
So today, I finally let this woman of my bosom go. I shall look not back in regret, but appreciation. For the little whispers by the railway station. And the soft rhythm of our breaths in each other's arms - so effortless. It was a beautiful journey: a journey I wish on every man
I will find help. I admit I have inadequacies. I admit that I close too tight. I admit that I am afraid. I admit that it comes from a place of selfishness - & emptiness. I admit I could do better. I admit it all: I will get help. I will be a better man. This cycle ends with me.
Maybe, someday I'll write the world this rare love story we stumbled upon on a dusty village road: When I have healed, & my heart isn't as heavy. Maybe, it'll bring joy to a few forlorn, & the cynical be tempted into belief. It was beautiful.

For Marie, a thousand times over.

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"I lied about my basic beliefs in order to keep a prestigious job. Now that it will be zero-cost to me, I have a few things to say."


We know that elite institutions like the one Flier was in (partial) charge of rely on irrelevant status markers like private school education, whiteness, legacy, and ability to charm an old white guy at an interview.

Harvard's discriminatory policies are becoming increasingly well known, across the political spectrum (see, e.g., the recent lawsuit on discrimination against East Asian applications.)

It's refreshing to hear a senior administrator admits to personally opposing policies that attempt to remedy these basic flaws. These are flaws that harm his institution's ability to do cutting-edge research and to serve the public.

Harvard is being eclipsed by institutions that have different ideas about how to run a 21st Century institution. Stanford, for one; the UC system; the "public Ivys".
1/ Here’s a list of conversational frameworks I’ve picked up that have been helpful.

Please add your own.

2/ The Magic Question: "What would need to be true for you


3/ On evaluating where someone’s head is at regarding a topic they are being wishy-washy about or delaying.

“Gun to the head—what would you decide now?”

“Fast forward 6 months after your sabbatical--how would you decide: what criteria is most important to you?”

4/ Other Q’s re: decisions:

“Putting aside a list of pros/cons, what’s the *one* reason you’re doing this?” “Why is that the most important reason?”

“What’s end-game here?”

“What does success look like in a world where you pick that path?”

5/ When listening, after empathizing, and wanting to help them make their own decisions without imposing your world view:

“What would the best version of yourself do”?

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1/“What would need to be true for you to….X”

Why is this the most powerful question you can ask when attempting to reach an agreement with another human being or organization?

A thread, co-written by @deanmbrody:


2/ First, “X” could be lots of things. Examples: What would need to be true for you to

- “Feel it's in our best interest for me to be CMO"
- “Feel that we’re in a good place as a company”
- “Feel that we’re on the same page”
- “Feel that we both got what we wanted from this deal

3/ Normally, we aren’t that direct. Example from startup/VC land:

Founders leave VC meetings thinking that every VC will invest, but they rarely do.

Worse over, the founders don’t know what they need to do in order to be fundable.

4/ So why should you ask the magic Q?

To get clarity.

You want to know where you stand, and what it takes to get what you want in a way that also gets them what they want.

It also holds them (mentally) accountable once the thing they need becomes true.

5/ Staying in the context of soliciting investors, the question is “what would need to be true for you to want to invest (or partner with us on this journey, etc)?”

Multiple responses to this question are likely to deliver a positive result.