The Christmas Story (Luke 2 - New Revised Bogan Edition):

Back in the days of some Roman bastard named Caesar Augustus, he called out for a census or some shit, to count how many people the Romans had under their thumb. So everyone had to piss off back to their

own towns to do it. Shows how nothing's changed, at least they didn't have to deal with MyGov. Caesar was a bit of a dog cunt though.

So, Joseph hoofed it back to Bethlehem from Nazareth because that's where he was from, right? He had to take Mary with him, because she was his
defacto or some shit and she was knocked up. She had great fuckin' timing though, cos while they were in Bethlehem gettin' their names marked off by the Roman pigs, she decided that's where she was gonna pop her sprog! They didn't even have some you beaut section of highway for
sheilas to have their kids on. Mary did it rough, wrapped her kid in Joseph's fave Holden shirt and put Him in a manger cos no cunt had a room spare at the inn.

There were some blokes herding sheep out in the paddock near the inn, watching 'em so no bastard fucked off with
any of them while they slept. Then, out of nowhere, some winged bastard appears with light around them like it came from the PolAir chopper, and they were packin' it. But he yelled out "Oi cunt! No need to be scared, mate! I got some goss for ya! It's fuckin' great and
everyone'll fuckin' love it! Some sheila in Bethlehem just had a kid, bit of a big deal, he'll be like Eminem 'n shit, he'll save you, it'll be fuckin great! Go lookin' for a kid wrapped in a Holden shirt in a box"

...
Suddenly the angels mates all rocked up, the shepherds thought they'd eaten some bad mushies. They were all sayin':

Yeah, God's a bit fuckin' great
and you know who else is great? His fuckin' mates!

When the angels packed up their shit and pissed off back to heaven
the shepherds looked at each other, shrugged, and said "why fuckin' not, we got nothin' better to do than watch these woolly fucks. Let's go 'n see what all the fuss is about",

They took a hike to Bethlehem and found the baby in the Holden shirt, passed out in a box in a barn
When they had enough of a gander they went and stated tellin' every Tom, Dick, 'n Harry about what the winged cunts had told 'em. Everyone who caught wind of it was fuckin' stoked!

Mary sat down and had think about what was goin' on, probably punched a couple of cones, who knows
The shepherds got bored and decided to fuck of back to where they were from to tell everyone about the kid and how fuckin' sick God was.

Eight days later when his parents decided to name him, they did that thing where they cut his foreskin off and called him Jesus.
@RainMorgan33

More from Fun

A thread on @Dream, his friends, Minecraft, insane Twitter engagement, and more:

Dream & friends' (@GeorgeNotFound, @tommyinnit, @Quackity, @TubboLive, @WilburSoot, etc) meteoric rise and the massive return of Minecraft has been one of the most amazing gaming stories this year.


1/ What do Dream and crew get so right?

On the surface, it's clear that they show the power of good storytelling and each of our desires to "hang out" with a group of friends that are having fun.

(image @Animagician_)


2/ This remains one of, if not the most important draws for great parasocial content -- whether it be Seinfeld, @DavidDobrik's vlogs, or Dream SMP content, the same is true:

We want to feel a little less alone and spend time in the worlds of these friends we know so much about.

3/ Watching this new wave of superstars take over YouTube / Twitch / Twitter gaming cultures has been incredible and bizarre.

Check the replies and engagement


4/ Dream speaks to the underrated and remarkable nature of Minecraft, too. In its 9th year, the game continues to dominate. Why?

Accessible, multi-platform, wide appeal? Sure - but more importantly: it is infinitely extendable. It's a creator's perfect sandbox. (image @SipoverS)

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राम-रावण युद्ध समाप्त हो चुका था। जगत को त्रास देने वाला रावण अपने कुटुम्ब सहित नष्ट हो चुका था।श्रीराम का राज्याभिषेक हुआ और अयोध्या नरेश श्री राम के नेतृत्व में चारों दिशाओं में शन्ति थी।
अंगद को विदा करते समय राम रो पड़े थे ।हनुमान को विदा करने की शक्ति तो राम में थी ही नहीं ।


माता सीता भी हनुमान को पुत्रवत मानती थी। अत: हनुमान अयोध्या में ही रह गए ।राम दिनभर दरबार में, शासन व्यवस्था में व्यस्त रहते थे। संध्या को जब शासकीय कार्यों में छूट मिलती तो गुरु और माताओं का कुशल-मंगल पूछ अपने कक्ष में जाते थे। परंतु हनुमान जी हमेशा उनके पीछे-पीछे ही रहते थे ।


उनकी उपस्थिति में ही सारा परिवार बहुत देर तक जी भर बातें करता ।फिर भरत को ध्यान आया कि भैया-भाभी को भी एकांत मिलना चाहिए ।उर्मिला को देख भी उनके मन में हूक उठती थी कि इस पतिव्रता को भी अपने पति का सानिध्य चाहिए ।

एक दिन भरत ने हनुमान जी से कहा,"हे पवनपुत्र! सीता भाभी को राम भैया के साथ एकांत में रहने का भी अधिकार प्राप्त है ।क्या आपको उनके माथे पर सिन्दूर नहीं दिखता?इसलिए संध्या पश्चात आप राम भैया को कृप्या अकेला छोड़ दिया करें "।
ये सुनकर हनुमान आश्चर्यचकित रह गए और सीता माता के पास गए ।


माता से हनुमान ने पूछा,"माता आप अपने माथे पर सिन्दूर क्यों लगाती हैं।" यह सुनकर सीता माता बोलीं,"स्त्री अपने माथे पर सिन्दूर लगाती है तो उसके पति की आयु में वृद्धि होती है और वह स्वस्थ रहते हैं "। फिर हनुमान जी प्रभु राम के पास गए ।
I'm going to do two history threads on Ethiopia, one on its ancient history, one on its modern story (1800 to today). 🇪🇹

I'll begin with the ancient history ... and it goes way back. Because modern humans - and before that, the ancestors of humans - almost certainly originated in Ethiopia. 🇪🇹 (sub-thread):


The first likely historical reference to Ethiopia is ancient Egyptian records of trade expeditions to the "Land of Punt" in search of gold, ebony, ivory, incense, and wild animals, starting in c 2500 BC 🇪🇹


Ethiopians themselves believe that the Queen of Sheba, who visited Israel's King Solomon in the Bible (c 950 BC), came from Ethiopia (not Yemen, as others believe). Here she is meeting Solomon in a stain-glassed window in Addis Ababa's Holy Trinity Church. 🇪🇹


References to the Queen of Sheba are everywhere in Ethiopia. The national airline's frequent flier miles are even called "ShebaMiles". 🇪🇹