The Christmas Story (Luke 2 - New Revised Bogan Edition):

Back in the days of some Roman bastard named Caesar Augustus, he called out for a census or some shit, to count how many people the Romans had under their thumb. So everyone had to piss off back to their

own towns to do it. Shows how nothing's changed, at least they didn't have to deal with MyGov. Caesar was a bit of a dog cunt though.

So, Joseph hoofed it back to Bethlehem from Nazareth because that's where he was from, right? He had to take Mary with him, because she was his
defacto or some shit and she was knocked up. She had great fuckin' timing though, cos while they were in Bethlehem gettin' their names marked off by the Roman pigs, she decided that's where she was gonna pop her sprog! They didn't even have some you beaut section of highway for
sheilas to have their kids on. Mary did it rough, wrapped her kid in Joseph's fave Holden shirt and put Him in a manger cos no cunt had a room spare at the inn.

There were some blokes herding sheep out in the paddock near the inn, watching 'em so no bastard fucked off with
any of them while they slept. Then, out of nowhere, some winged bastard appears with light around them like it came from the PolAir chopper, and they were packin' it. But he yelled out "Oi cunt! No need to be scared, mate! I got some goss for ya! It's fuckin' great and
everyone'll fuckin' love it! Some sheila in Bethlehem just had a kid, bit of a big deal, he'll be like Eminem 'n shit, he'll save you, it'll be fuckin great! Go lookin' for a kid wrapped in a Holden shirt in a box"

...
Suddenly the angels mates all rocked up, the shepherds thought they'd eaten some bad mushies. They were all sayin':

Yeah, God's a bit fuckin' great
and you know who else is great? His fuckin' mates!

When the angels packed up their shit and pissed off back to heaven
the shepherds looked at each other, shrugged, and said "why fuckin' not, we got nothin' better to do than watch these woolly fucks. Let's go 'n see what all the fuss is about",

They took a hike to Bethlehem and found the baby in the Holden shirt, passed out in a box in a barn
When they had enough of a gander they went and stated tellin' every Tom, Dick, 'n Harry about what the winged cunts had told 'em. Everyone who caught wind of it was fuckin' stoked!

Mary sat down and had think about what was goin' on, probably punched a couple of cones, who knows
The shepherds got bored and decided to fuck of back to where they were from to tell everyone about the kid and how fuckin' sick God was.

Eight days later when his parents decided to name him, they did that thing where they cut his foreskin off and called him Jesus.
@RainMorgan33

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🌿𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒚 𝒐𝒇 𝒂 𝑺𝒕𝒂𝒓 : 𝑫𝒉𝒓𝒖𝒗𝒂 & 𝑽𝒊𝒔𝒉𝒏𝒖

Once upon a time there was a Raja named Uttānapāda born of Svayambhuva Manu,1st man on earth.He had 2 beautiful wives - Suniti & Suruchi & two sons were born of them Dhruva & Uttama respectively.
#talesofkrishna https://t.co/E85MTPkF9W


Now Suniti was the daughter of a tribal chief while Suruchi was the daughter of a rich king. Hence Suruchi was always favored the most by Raja while Suniti was ignored. But while Suniti was gentle & kind hearted by nature Suruchi was venomous inside.
#KrishnaLeela


The story is of a time when ideally the eldest son of the king becomes the heir to the throne. Hence the sinhasan of the Raja belonged to Dhruva.This is why Suruchi who was the 2nd wife nourished poison in her heart for Dhruva as she knew her son will never get the throne.


One day when Dhruva was just 5 years old he went on to sit on his father's lap. Suruchi, the jealous queen, got enraged and shoved him away from Raja as she never wanted Raja to shower Dhruva with his fatherly affection.


Dhruva protested questioning his step mother "why can't i sit on my own father's lap?" A furious Suruchi berated him saying "only God can allow him that privilege. Go ask him"