What I learnt on the Twitter this week:

1. Doug Ford declares State of Emergency. Says he doesn't understand what people don't understand about the rules. Either stay home or go to Walmart to buy essential cream cheese.
2. Ford announces his French lessons are going tray bueno.

3. Kenney announces Alberta will begin procuring their own vaccine because they only have most of the Fed's supply left now.
4. O'Toole announces he just doesn't know how to quit Ezra.
5. Freak storm in Morden, MB; MAGA hat kicked up in the wind; lands on Candace Bergen's head.

6. Canadian Conservative politicians and staffers mourn the loss of Parler which they have never heard of.
7. Kenney signs giant cardboard guarantee saying coal will be mined from Rockies without loss of a single acre of protected land unless it's accidentally delisted and sold.

8. Ford defenestrates MPP Baber from caucus after Baber complains about lockdown. Ford says he's already busy enough locking down Phillips and Oosterhoff.
9. Ontario's Minister of LTCs adheres to lockdown rules and takes three-week vacation under her bed.
10. Où est la Fullerton?

11. Just when you thought Andrew Scheer couldn't defenestrate his reputation any further, Andrew Scheer fully defenestrates himself. Like, maaaddd defenestration going on here.
12. Moments before Parler shuts down, thousands of Canadians post "What does defenderthestation mean?"

What I learnt on the Twitter this week:

1. Well I know I learnt a lot more on Twitter this week than Trump did.
2. After Covid numbers skyrocket in Ontario for past four months, Doug Ford says the data modelling suggests he might have to stop his cross-province campaigning soon.

3. After the assault on the Capitol this week, the CPC finally pulls camou MAGA hats from online merch shop.
4. With pictures of the CPC's Deputy Leader wearing a camou MAGA hat circulating, Michelle Rempel expresses outrage that Candice Bergen getting more attention than she is.

5. UCP MLA Pat Rehn issues statement after return from Xmas trip to Mexico. Says he is sorry, but also very excellent.
6. Jason Kenney says he knows he's failed Albertans and that's why he moved up to the Sky Palace to help him see things from the everyday people's perspective.

7. Westjet insists Kenney government provide more notice of planned out-of-country travel next time so airline can be sure to have enough planes ready.
8. Blogger Karen Bexte travels to DC for insurrection, asks to speak to Canada's manager after he's asked to take a Covid test.

9. Trump says the crowd he got to attack the Capitol was far larger than any crowd Obama ever got to attack the Capitol. Huge crowd. Tremendous crowd of terrorists.
10. After being shut down on every major social media platform, Trump seen at Radio Shack haggling over a CB radio.

Some learnings I've learnt living in these here pandemic times:

1. Everyone should have access to the internet during a pandemic. Oh, and funny hats.
2. These past ten years the dust bunnies under my sofa and bed have been pretty busy building thriving little towns and villages.

3. Screaming into the abyss is a real thing. My neighbour just doesn't get it.
4. If you want really nice weather all summer long, just declare a pandemic lockdown.
5. Amazon will pack two lightbulbs into a microwave-sized box. Can confirm.

6. Right wing politicians really don't like not being in front of people. Which is kind of weird, since they don't seem to like people.
7. Sometimes I find myself wondering if the person who invented the salad bar sneeze guard back in olden times truly knew what they were on to.

8. I started counting and measuring stuff I never counted before. Just because I'm bored and it takes my spit 26 seconds to hit the ground from the bridge near my place.
9. My shoes are exactly one foot long. Which is kind of a spooky coincidence, right?
10. Chipmunks are punks.

11. My old doggo Finn had it right all along. Sleep. Eat. Walk. Pee. Poop. Play. Watch ball bounce down the stairs. Repeat. I'm still not sold on all the butt sniffing though.
12. If you really set your mind to it, you can make a ham and cheese sandwich exactly 17 different ways.

What I've learnt on the Twitter this year:

1. The State of Hawaii makes Jason Kenney honorary Premier.
2. Rod Phillips and John Tory say Rod nodded off on a TTC streetcar and somehow ended up in St Barts.
3. New Conservative Task Force created to locate their MPs and staff.

4. Michelle Rempel says, because some other Conservative politicians did the wrong thing, now she can't do the wrong thing, because the media will report she did the wrong thing, and that's wrong for the media to do. That's it. That's the funny part.

5. Mike Harris awarded the Order of Ontario, which basically makes the whole thing an attendance award.
6. Doug Ford announces that a large order of McDonald's fries and a box of Philadelphia Cream Cheese will also be awarded the Order of Ontario this year.

7. UCP MLA Tracy Allard says she left the country and flew to Hawaii because her family can't celebrate Christmas properly without eggnog served in genuine coconuts.
8. UCP MLA Jeremy Nixon says he only travelled to Hawaii to personally forward a really funny email joke to Allard

9. After appearing more than an hour late for the press conference he'd called, Jason Kenney says Alberta's vaccination rates are low because Trudeau screwed up and delivered the vaccines early. That's it. That's the funny part.
10. Doug Ford sent Jason Kenney a Thank You card.