The Christmas Story (Luke 2 - New Revised Bogan Edition):

Back in the days of some Roman bastard named Caesar Augustus, he called out for a census or some shit, to count how many people the Romans had under their thumb. So everyone had to piss off back to their

own towns to do it. Shows how nothing's changed, at least they didn't have to deal with MyGov. Caesar was a bit of a dog cunt though.

So, Joseph hoofed it back to Bethlehem from Nazareth because that's where he was from, right? He had to take Mary with him, because she was his

defacto or some shit and she was knocked up. She had great fuckin' timing though, cos while they were in Bethlehem gettin' their names marked off by the Roman pigs, she decided that's where she was gonna pop her sprog! They didn't even have some you beaut section of highway for

sheilas to have their kids on. Mary did it rough, wrapped her kid in Joseph's fave Holden shirt and put Him in a manger cos no cunt had a room spare at the inn.

There were some blokes herding sheep out in the paddock near the inn, watching 'em so no bastard fucked off with

any of them while they slept. Then, out of nowhere, some winged bastard appears with light around them like it came from the PolAir chopper, and they were packin' it. But he yelled out "Oi cunt! No need to be scared, mate! I got some goss for ya! It's fuckin' great and