BC LIFE
Saved by @Alex1Powell

I’m sad.
Yes, I cried.
Prolly cos I’m someone who takes friendship too seriously and always put in my best when it comes to the few people in my cycle.

I’m the type to always ask questions, get closure before I move on.
So, I sent her messages asking what happened and she called https://t.co/rhpYAVXCnP

 Then she reminded me of what happened in Oct.

I lost my grandma - who also happens to be the mother figure I had - during the lockdown and her burial was scheduled to hold Oct 15th
I kept making plans for burial.
Telling my friend about plans and all that.
Then she told me she is pregnant and feeling really sick so she might not be able to travel down for the burial.
I don’t know how sick pregnancy makes people so I saw reasons with her.
But that period, I was so emotionally down.
I even stayed off all social media and was barely
Replying WhatsApp messages.

My family even asked after her and I told them a lie.

I had other friends around for the burial so I had tons of help.

We still chatted some days before the burial and I was asking what she plans to do about the pregnancy.
Assuring her that
whatever she decides to do that I got her back.

I was totally down before and after the burial.
Really needed to heal cos my Grandma and I were really close.
She was my person.

I didn’t know my friend was mad at me that I wasn’t checking up on her to know how she was fairing.
That she was pregnant and freaking out and I wasn’t there.

Even though I went offline and deleted WhatsApp just so I can bury my mother and heal.

I wasn’t taking calls,
she didn’t call either but I knew we were both okay.

A week or two later, I reinstalled WhatsApp
We chatted and still talked about the pregnancy.
She said they have decided to keep it.
We joked about how she never really got to visit me in IB and now there’s a baby on the way.

I was happy I was finally going to be a godmother and how I will spoil the little human silly 😢.
What I didn’t know was that my girl was mad at me that I didn’t check on her.

She never told me she felt so alone and scared for that 2 weeks I was off trying to heal.
We would have talked about it.
But instead, she kept all that hurt and acted
Like nothing happened.

She has never been an emotional person so I didn’t make a big deal about her not asking how I was fairing emotionally.
I didn’t care about her not asking if I needed a hug or not.
I didn’t care about her not sending messages telling me to be strong.
But then, we would have had that conversation if only she had told me how she really felt when I went offline.
I would have put my own pains aside and be there for her.

She allowed her anger affect something we’ve built for years.

11years freaking years gone just like that.
11years of her being the fighter and being at the forefront of all my battles.
11years of us shuttling from PH to awka or from awka to PH just to see each other.
The only friendship I legit gave my all ended just cos I was going through something and needed my healing.
Like, not even for a day did she mention that they were gonna get married this year cos she kept saying they will keep the baby and he will be in the picture.

She was planning her trad while chatting with me but didn’t bother mentioning it.

God!!
She asked that we just put everything aside and move on the way we used to be but mehn, Im fucking scared.
That fear that makes you to not give your all cos the person might wake up one day and take a walk.
The fear that someone might let you down once you get comfortable
I’ve always been a soft person and because I have just few humans in my corner so I try to hold on tightly as much as I could.
Giving second chances even when I shouldn’t.

It is what it is tho.

Life goes on but I’m actually hurting more than I did when my relationship ended.

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