I used to talk more openly about my experience as a trans person, which is why I think so many people started following me. At some point last year, as I was about to hit 3 years of transition, I became deeply uncomfortable with trans community, discourse, & my lack of privacy.

My own gender dysphoria & internalized transphobia came raging back in ways that I didn’t expect it to. I’ve been struggling for the better part of a year. I rarely take selfies anymore. I closed my DMs, which I used to use to support others. I don’t talk about being trans much.

I spent most of 2020 becoming completely disillusioned by the effectiveness of hormones. Basically, I’ve built up a lot of resentment about finding myself on the wrong side of YMMV. I feel miles behind where I should be when comparing my experience to that of my peers.

In therapy, I’m back to working primarily on gender dysphoria, positive self-talk, & proactivity in transition. Like many people, my transition stalled completely in 2020. I accomplished nothing new, practically speaking. No documents signed, no dates set, no dreams coming true.

My therapist & I are working on learning to be happy if - hypothetically - transition were over right now. No more puberty, no surgeries, no changes. How do I go from feeling unsatisfied, jealous of others, & resentful to feeling happy, hopeful, & secure in my body & my identity?