One of the sad things we know about abusive parenting is that it often propagates over generations.

I’m very glad my grandfather broke that chain and didn’t become his abusive step-father. Because it turns out that supportive parenting *also* propagates over generations.

About the time I was 9 I was pissed at my parents for something or other, as kids are. And I angrily thought, “When I have kids, I won’t do xxx to them.”
And then it occurred to me that I really liked who and how I was, and their rules had helped make me that.

So I decided I probably *should* parent the way they did.

In retrospect, that was probably a bit too much faith in nurture over nature. I was an only child, so I didn’t have a counter example. Having two kids abused me of *that* theory. :)

But I really value my supportive dad.

My father was *so* supportive of my endeavors, even as an adult, that my first wife’s dad asked her if there was something wrong with me that I needed that much support. (He was the dad she had to actively deceive to study math, and to come to the US).

And it wasn’t just big stuff, it was little things. Like when I had a cloth board for my cosmic wimpout game, and the edges were fraying, he surprised me by sewing a border on it. Or the bunk bed he helped me make for college to fit over my desk. And the stereo cabinet we built.