The way things are going...

Ordering a Pizza in 2022

CALLER:
Is this Pizza Hut?

GOOGLE:
No sir, it's Google Pizza.

CALLER:
I must have dialed a wrong number, sorry.

GOOGLE:
No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month.

CALLER:
OK. I would like to order a pizza.

GOOGLE:
Do you want your usual, sir?

CALLER:
My usual? You know me?

GOOGLE:
According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.

CALLER:
Super! That’s what I’ll have.

GOOGLE:
May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes & olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?

CALLER:
What? I don’t want a vegetarian pizza!

GOOGLE:
Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

CALLER:
How the hell do you know that?

GOOGLE:
Well, we cross-referenced your homephone number with your medical records. We have the result of ur blood tests for the last 7yrs.

CALLER:
Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetarian pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.

GOOGLE:
Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once

NOTE FOR (IN)HUMAN RIGHT GROUPS IN NIGERIA🇳🇬

I bring you good tidings (may be bad for you) @HURIWA_NIGERIA. I want to inform you that for the past eight years, the people of RAFI LOCAL GOVT, KAGARA, NIGER STATE have been batting with incessant attacks by bandits, cattle rustling

kidnapping for ransom and unprovoked arson.
These cases were duly reported to appropriate authorities.

What interest the good people of the area is that none of the #HumanRightsWatch either spoke for or sympathize with us, in any form or at any occasion.

@GovNiger @SSGNGSG

Many villages and communities that were attacked fled to Kagara, the headquarters of the LGA as refugees. As a result of this bandits took over most of these villages & converted them as their places of abode with some few villagers who have connived them as informants and allies

remaining in those villages.

Sadly, whenever any aerial raid or military operation takes place that's when we hear noise from this unfortunate human rights groups against any of the operations so conducted to dislodge these top notch killers & arsonists.

@humanrightslaw

So far the people of that area have lost, in momentary terms, cattles, houses, motorcycles, farm produce, looted provision stores, patent medicines stores etc worth more than three billion (N3b) aside of human lives killed as well as traumatized women that were raped.

@abusbello