Why I Don't Open Up to the People I Love About My Depression
We know something’s wrong! We want to help! We love you! Why can’t you open up to us?”
Because I’m ashamed at how weak I feel.
Because if I expose that weakness to you, you might end up ashamed of me, too.
1/x
Because the last thing I ever want to do is be a weight around your neck.
Because you have your own problems, and your own life to live.
Because it might change the way you see me.
Because it might make you want to treat me with kid gloves, to tiptoe around me because you 2/x
think I might shatter.
Because you might go the opposite route and decide it’s time for some “tough love.”
Because if I hear the words, “there are other people out there a lot worse off than you,” I probably will shatter. I’m aware. That’s part of the problem.
3/x
Because I’ve been here before, and I’ll probably be here again. It exhausts the hell out of me. I can only imagine what it would do to you.
Because I’m terrified you’ll blame yourself, when absolutely none of how I’m feeling is your fault.
4/x
Because I love you.
Because I want you to keep loving me.
Because I have an illness that convinces me that’s exactly what will end up happening, no matter how much you say otherwise.
I wish I could make you understand. 5/x