Two years ago next week my whole world crumbled & I’m feeling so many things about it. Mostly, I’m just grateful I’m still alive & I’m doing things I love. But I’m also grieving & I want to share this because I know I’m not alone in going through scary stuff & there is hope.

I experienced some of the most traumatic events of my life in Feb 2019, when leadership of the church I was a part of decided after nearly a year they were not ok with my decision to speak up about abuse I had suffered during my time there.

The leader who assaulted & abused me was no longer there, & up until this point I had believed platitudes that the rest of the team cared about what had happened. But I never saw any actual reform or self-reflection about the fact that this happened to an 18 year old intern.

The trauma from being assaulted was obvious & expected. But the trauma that came from the institutional betrayal was the deepest cut. Leaders who had prayed with me sat in front of me & laughed as I cried over words they had said about me behind my back. I was devastated.

Most of my friendships existed within that institution, & when this betrayal happened those friendships went silent. Overnight, I lost my entire support system, over lies said about me that I wouldn’t have access to read until I got a lawyer & they had to turn them over.