At least in part, they did this to stop our pirates from being such a monumental pain in their arse...
Just because.
Here's an interesting story about a man you've almost certainly heard of, think you know stuff about, but probably weren't taught any of the good, funny, ludicrous stuff that makes it really interesting.
It's long. You might hate it. I'll take that chance...
At least in part, they did this to stop our pirates from being such a monumental pain in their arse...
The Armada scattered, and the weather took care of the rest, driving them towards the Dutch coast...
But somebody had to come out of it a hero, and that somebody was Sir Francis Drake...
Aged about 12, Drake became apprentice to a neighbour who owned ship that traded with France.
By his early-20s, he was ready for his first foray into piracy and slave-trading, and without wishing to undermine a national legend, he was an absolute bloody shambles...
But somehow, he managed to fail to sell the slaves, even at a knock-down price...
God knows, I don’t want to elicit sympathy for the slavers, but ...
Anyway, the next year Drake was back, determined to make a better fist of things. If anything, it got worse...
Drake was attacked in port, 2/3 of his ships sunk, and he only escaped by swimming out to sea.
Still, he felt aggrieved that his "honest" job still got him attacked...
In 1572 he formed an alliance with escaped African slaves in Panama, and between them they planned a surprise attack on a Spanish mule-train of silver and gold being exported from the Spanish empire in Peru...
**exactly the same thing again**
This time, if anything things went a bit TOO well...
They separated out the more valuable gold, and buried the silver...
Drake's party, weighed down with literally tons of gold, then began the laborious trek back through 20 miles of pathless, mountainous jungle, to the shore where their raiding boats awaited...
Drake quickly cobbled-together a flimsy driftwood raft and, dignity intact, half-sailed, half-sploshed his way out to his flagship to get aid...
But in his absence, the English had signed a truce with the Spanish, which made it impossible for Drake to be officially acknowledged.
The Crown still took its half the money though. Obvs...
Still, he put it down as a “win”.
Magellan was the first circumnavigation, but Magellan himself lacked the foresight to stay alive to the end of the journey, so Drake gets the plaudits...
But back in London, lawyers used this hat-based rumour to justify taking over the whole of America. So Drake got knighted...
(He wasn't a fan of original ideas, Francis)
And off he went to finish off the last few bits of the Spanish navy...
The Spanish fleet was reduced to one galleon and 1,500 men.
In a stunning return to form, Drake failed dismally, losing 20 of his own vessels and 12,000 lives...
So, seemingly just to cheer himself up, he decided to attack the defenceless coastal town of Vigo, which he pounded with cannon for four days before landing and setting the remains on fire...
Back home, his disgrace was such that he was barely allowed near so much as a gravy boat for six years, and when he did return to the sea few could call it a success...
And then, perhaps feeling European war wasn’t his true metier, he led another a campaign against the Spanish in Central America.
You’ll be astonished to hear it didn’t go swimmingly...
And then, finally giving up on the sea, he decided to assault Panama by land, which worked out about as well as any of his previous ventures...