10 Red flags to note in relationships .

A thread !

1. Secrecy - There is a difference between being private and being secretive . Anyone who doesn’t want people to know you are dating may have somethings they are hiding . It’s ok to be private but alarm bells should ring where there is secrecy .
2. Barter - The relationship is almost always about what is being exchanged . While there will be exchanges in every relationship, an undue focus on this will indicate that someone is there for something they can get and not what they can give .
3. Misaligned values - What is sacred to you isn’t respected by the other .values like honesty , integrity , respect isn’t important to the other party . A relationship with nonaligned values cannot work ! There will always be conflict .
4. Mystery income - Some folks are dating thieves , robbers and fraudsters and always have signs to indicate that their partners are fraudulent. It is a huge red flag not to know what your other half actually does for money . It’s not wise to join a sinking boat .
5. Apathy - Don’t ignore “disinterest “ . It is a symptom of a deeper disease. Some folks after sometime just lose interest . Ensure you are able to discern this . If there is romantic apathy it is a sign that someone has moved on and you are only dating yourself .
6. Financial indiscipline - Money is very important in this life . Especially in marriage . Be very careful of any one whose presence in your life always brings about emergency spending of money you have plans for . You cannot build with an indisciplined partner .
7. Sexual indiscipline - Nobody just cheats . Cheating is a decision . Never minimize sexual indiscipline in your relationship. There are serious consequences for permitting it . Plan your peace early . Don’t give your heart to someone who will shatter it .
8. Lack of compassion: Be worried if your partner is “nice” to you but cruel to others . The way people treat folks they don’t feel they need reveals who they really are . We are all nice to the chicken we want to kill on Christmas Day .
9. Propensity for violence - If a partner ever lifts their hands against you ensure you run . The violent partner is a dangerous partner . Do not excuse physical abuse under any circumstance. Extricate yourself fast . That slap you received was a sign from God ! RUN!
10. Disdain for authority- The partner who doesn’t submit to anyone will not be accountable to you . They can feign it but really cannot be . Always check for the accountability systems in a fellows life before you give your heart to them .

More from Life

1/“What would need to be true for you to….X”

Why is this the most powerful question you can ask when attempting to reach an agreement with another human being or organization?

A thread, co-written by @deanmbrody:


2/ First, “X” could be lots of things. Examples: What would need to be true for you to

- “Feel it's in our best interest for me to be CMO"
- “Feel that we’re in a good place as a company”
- “Feel that we’re on the same page”
- “Feel that we both got what we wanted from this deal

3/ Normally, we aren’t that direct. Example from startup/VC land:

Founders leave VC meetings thinking that every VC will invest, but they rarely do.

Worse over, the founders don’t know what they need to do in order to be fundable.

4/ So why should you ask the magic Q?

To get clarity.

You want to know where you stand, and what it takes to get what you want in a way that also gets them what they want.

It also holds them (mentally) accountable once the thing they need becomes true.

5/ Staying in the context of soliciting investors, the question is “what would need to be true for you to want to invest (or partner with us on this journey, etc)?”

Multiple responses to this question are likely to deliver a positive result.

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