“All okay?” I asked.
She hesitated. Blinked.
“Valentine’s Day,” she replied, sadly.
“Date didn’t work out?”
“He dumped me!”
2.
I met her, a couple of Feb 14s earlier, on the way back home. It was post-9pm, the compartment was empty, save one girl.
She was dressed up—dress, heels, lipstick—the whole deal. She quickly wiped her tears when I walked in, switching to looking out, resolutely.
THREAD.
“All okay?” I asked.
She hesitated. Blinked.
“Valentine’s Day,” she replied, sadly.
“Date didn’t work out?”
“He dumped me!”
2.
She rubbed her nose, looking both sad and angry.
Tired from a day of work, I groped for words. What could I say that would help?
"Maybe if—," I began, but she cut me:
"How many times will this same thing happen to me?"
3.
Turns out, I realised, one doesn't need to say much.
4.
Till, five stations of ranting later, they ask, "So YOU tell me, WHY should I believe in love?"
Interrogated thus, in a local train corner, I felt... cornered. Why should one believe in love, I wondered?
5.
And yet, (even though I'm not Cupid's dalal), I felt like telling her all this would make her feel worse, not push her towards a new beginning...
6.
"Arun met Sunita at a party. They mostly just sat around and blushed. But Arun did manage to bring Sunita a Fanta when she smiled and told the carpet she was thirsty."
7.
Om Jethu poured over the letter. He was a strict man, partly-blind, Arun's only surviving family. He met the girl, liked her kind eyebrows; said she had a responsible chin."
8.
So far, my listener was hooked to me.
"Raised in an empty house by an angry man who felt emotion was the death of logic, Arun had a whole store of love to give and express."
9.
My listener sighed.
10.
She cried every day after he left. Most of his letters didn't reach her.
He hugged her handkerchief to him for days, till its colours got faded and the scent of her disappeared."
11.
He wrote her torrid letters full of yearning and need. Torn from the man she loved, she threw herself into work, taking up more classes at the academy."
12.
Then, finally, 8 months later, he boarded a train, off to see his family."
13.
Savita turned. But by the time she had finished screaming his name, dashing towards the railing, Monu had become a memory."
My listener was horrified.
13
Pacing, without tears, she prepared for his hatred—
14.
When Arun returned, he returned to a neighbourhood where everybody hated his wife.
'She was always grading papers.' 'She couldn't care for your child.' 'She is a bad mother, a bad wife.' "
15.
Arun shut the voices out, took her in his arms. Mother and father cried in shared grief.
'It is my fault,' she whispered. He put his finger on her lips, and that was the last she spoke about it."
16.
But Savita couldn't heal. Broken, she could barely wake up, cook, or speak."
17.
I paused for a sip of water, we were a few stations away from home. My listener chimed in, "Then?"
"It took 6 years for Savita to get her smile back," I continued.
18.
Then, finally, on that one day six years later, he saw her crying when he handed her tea."
19.
'One doesn't do things to deserve love. Love is not 'transactional'. One just loves. I love you, Savita. And you love me.'
Savita went back to teach at another academy. Arun worked, pursued his passion for singing."
20.
At 62, when Arun was diagnosed with cancer, Savita turned nurse, accountant, driver, provider—ferrying him to and from from the hospital, cooking for him, staying up by him for all eight years that he fought the disease."
21.
22.
Could it have been in the plastic coke bottles they had filled and stored water in for so long? Could it have been in the Teflon coating of her pans?
23.
Many evenings, while talking to us she would stop, as if arrested by a shape on a wall."
24.
She never spoke about him in past tense. Never wore the widow's white."
25.
*
My story concluded, I sat opposite the girl in silence, the train lulling us by. "Is this a real story?" she asked.
I nodded.
"But they don't make love like this, anymore," she said.
"They don't make love. We do," I said.
26.
*
"Why did you tell a random girl in a train a fake love story?" my brother asked.
"I don't know. I needed her to believe."
"Why?"
"How hard we struggle to disbelieve," I replied.
27.
"But love doesn't exist, di!" he replied.
28.
"It is. But what does this mean?"
"Nothing. Just that it's okay to believe. In chocolates and cards and one magical day. It's okay to dream—
29.
More from Life
1/ Here’s a list of conversational frameworks I’ve picked up that have been helpful.
Please add your own.
2/ The Magic Question: "What would need to be true for you
3/ On evaluating where someone’s head is at regarding a topic they are being wishy-washy about or delaying.
“Gun to the head—what would you decide now?”
“Fast forward 6 months after your sabbatical--how would you decide: what criteria is most important to you?”
4/ Other Q’s re: decisions:
“Putting aside a list of pros/cons, what’s the *one* reason you’re doing this?” “Why is that the most important reason?”
“What’s end-game here?”
“What does success look like in a world where you pick that path?”
5/ When listening, after empathizing, and wanting to help them make their own decisions without imposing your world view:
“What would the best version of yourself do”?
Please add your own.
2/ The Magic Question: "What would need to be true for you
1/\u201cWhat would need to be true for you to\u2026.X\u201d
— Erik Torenberg (@eriktorenberg) December 4, 2018
Why is this the most powerful question you can ask when attempting to reach an agreement with another human being or organization?
A thread, co-written by @deanmbrody: https://t.co/Yo6jHbSit9
3/ On evaluating where someone’s head is at regarding a topic they are being wishy-washy about or delaying.
“Gun to the head—what would you decide now?”
“Fast forward 6 months after your sabbatical--how would you decide: what criteria is most important to you?”
4/ Other Q’s re: decisions:
“Putting aside a list of pros/cons, what’s the *one* reason you’re doing this?” “Why is that the most important reason?”
“What’s end-game here?”
“What does success look like in a world where you pick that path?”
5/ When listening, after empathizing, and wanting to help them make their own decisions without imposing your world view:
“What would the best version of yourself do”?
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THREAD PART 1.
On Sunday 21st June, 14 year old Noah Donohoe left his home to meet his friends at Cave Hill Belfast to study for school. #RememberMyNoah💙
He was on his black Apollo mountain bike, fully dressed, wearing a helmet and carrying a backpack containing his laptop and 2 books with his name on them. He also had his mobile phone with him.
On the 27th of June. Noah's naked body was sadly discovered 950m inside a storm drain, between access points. This storm drain was accessible through an area completely unfamiliar to him, behind houses at Northwood Road. https://t.co/bpz3Rmc0wq
"Noah's body was found by specially trained police officers between two drain access points within a section of the tunnel running under the Translink access road," said Mr McCrisken."
Noah's bike was also found near a house, behind a car, in the same area. It had been there for more than 24 hours before a member of public who lived in the street said she read reports of a missing child and checked the bike and phoned the police.
On Sunday 21st June, 14 year old Noah Donohoe left his home to meet his friends at Cave Hill Belfast to study for school. #RememberMyNoah💙
He was on his black Apollo mountain bike, fully dressed, wearing a helmet and carrying a backpack containing his laptop and 2 books with his name on them. He also had his mobile phone with him.
On the 27th of June. Noah's naked body was sadly discovered 950m inside a storm drain, between access points. This storm drain was accessible through an area completely unfamiliar to him, behind houses at Northwood Road. https://t.co/bpz3Rmc0wq
"Noah's body was found by specially trained police officers between two drain access points within a section of the tunnel running under the Translink access road," said Mr McCrisken."
Noah's bike was also found near a house, behind a car, in the same area. It had been there for more than 24 hours before a member of public who lived in the street said she read reports of a missing child and checked the bike and phoned the police.
